WAW told me she doesn't want to be married pt3

[witz10]

Mrbond, she knows how much i want to be a family again. She mentioned this in her email to me last week.She is worried that my family would influence me if they found out about om. I then told her I am not happy about this guy and I know she deserves better and yea I said it in regards to me.

[meaning YOU would now treat her better or what? Also I think her comment about your family's opinion is telling. Do they offer unsolicited opinions to you about the situation? It's not helpful.] I told her that I am have not asked for my families opinions on these matters at all. Even if they offer I do not listen all decisions are mine and mine alone. As the saying goes opinions are like assholes everyone has one and my family when all this was going on were opinionated.

[You want to keep the road home, paved and smooth. It'll already be hard enough as it is.]
Yes it is but I see paving work being done.

It was a good conversation felt like old times when we lived in california. Part of me wants to take this little snowball anf cast it down the hill and watch it grow.

[it's okay to want this^^^...but keep it to yourself for now. Let her believe you see SOME upsides to being single and that you are happy contented man now, with or without her.]
Good call don't want to push hard and look needy.

No one is attracted to morose depressed people who depend on others for their happiness...she knows you want it to work with her but it's GOOD if she thinks you've had an awakening...

[I'd keep ALL discussions about dating, an off limits mystery to her. And if not - if you feel compelled to admit , interest in it or posting on a dating site- don't tell her you are having trouble finding someone...sheesh...] This came out she initiated the conversation. She brought it up first I was not going to say anything. The part I liked was when she couldn't believe the women that were emailing me. Not my type and she said can she put a recommendation up there. She also said the pic I chose was a good one when she asked what I was using. She liked that one.

[and tell her you don't want to hear about OM unless it's over, and you promise not to tell her about your "new lady friends"...] I don't ask about the putz or what she is doing. None of my business. I treat her like I did back before we were dating just two friends talking that have something there.

let her wonder if they exist and don't tell her they don't.

This is setting/enforcing a boundary and it's fair to both of you. And appropriate.

I want to tell her I enjoyed conversing with her. I want to get tickets to a comedy show and see if she wants to go with me. I am just not sure i should. Its all baby steps now.


if you do anything with her, this^^^ is a good idea.

[You may have to rent a comedy first, just to build up slowly starting with relaxed interactions. How open does she seem to this?] I don't think she would be comfortable sitting with me and watching a movie right now. Especially in our home and if the kids were there. Might give them the wrong impression as well.

Does she seem open to that? Are you only getting contacted for business issues? This is the tough part. She wants us to communicate more. But I am not sure what I can ask her or how to approach her. All the text we did yesterday was about kids and gymnastics or my son going ice skating. He paid for his teachers hot chocolates which I thought was really cute.

I plan on staying her husband.
At lunch we were talking about races and the triathlon she is doing in May and she planted the seed that I should do it as well. Now i have been thinking of doing this. If anything the training will help me get in better shape.


IF SHE SAID you ought to do it too....I'd consider that an invite. And do it.
I am doing this and have started training. Did a good bike ride yesterday. Also got info about the pool at the gym for us and some other info. I relayed it all to her.


I did the last resort technique as best i could. I let her contact me, which she does every morning around the same time. Either email letter or some link she will send me. She wants us to communicate more.


it seems so.


From the convo yesterday I do get the feeling she misses me/us. I do think it might be a matter of time. There was no talk of D we just settled finances.

but not the r? Just in the past and how everything that happened is exactly how it was written in the books.

When we spoke about dating

who brought ^^this up? Don't let it be you.HER


I told her I have not gone on any dates

and she said she didn't want to know anything. I think she doesn't want to know because part of her doesn't want me to date.

of course she does not want to know - who would?

But let her worry some! You don't need to keep telling her you are, in effect, waiting for her to come home and you will keep waiting--b/c what's the motivation for her to hurry home?

She can take ALL the time she wants b/c she knows you are there for her....forever...if need be.

how does that help you? Doesn't I need to live as well.

Otherwise there are several positive baby steps I think.

Thank you I will be honest I was waiting to hear back from you. Thank you for the positive feed back. My bruises from the 2x4 are gone. HAHAHA