I SO want ot tell her that she doesn't HAVE to miss our son. That there is hope in our relationship and neither of us has to do without him.
Ah yes the bargaining.
But we can just take the pain away by reconciling.
That is you projecting on her and I haven't read your whole thread but did you do this during the M?
I think you know enough not to say this to her.
I am trying to get you to dig into why you would think it?
IF you said it would that be validating her? Is thinking it validating her?
If, as you say, it is the most painful thing then she must have a pretty good reason for deciding to go through all that pain.
What do you think that is?
I pulled this from own volumes and the poster is Bworl: When a spouse walks away, it isn't usually a spur of the moment decision. The groundwork for her desire to be out of the relationship was laid bit by bit over many years.
She started out trusting you and believing in you. She started out knowing that you would love her and desire her presence in your life.
As the years went by and she found out time and again that what she believed was in fact not true...well...it changes people inside. She didn't wake up one morning and decide to go. She talked herself in to this being her only suitable response to life with you.
I don't say this hurt you.
I say this to further drive home the point that this will not be fixed in a short amount of time, and it will not be fixed with a few weeks or months of kind words.
It will take time.
It sounds like you are working on your problems. This is what you CAN do right now. And you damned well better take it seriously, because if you are given another chance, I think it will likely be your last. Make these changes REAL and LASTING, and make them because you AGREE that they need to be made, NOT because you want your marriage back.
You.
Work on you.
Leave her alone.
It sounds ridiculous, but I'm certain it's right.
I hope it helps Crimson.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
