Hey - just wanted to say a big THANKS to everyone. I have gotten a mountain of good feedback, advice and overall positive energy over the last day or two and I want everyone to know that I am grateful for all of it. It is not a stretch when I say I owe a lot of my stability and (dare I say?) happiness to MWD, DR, DB and this board. This truly is the best, worst place to be. SO again, I say thank you.
I still am having a lot of nerves about the court appearance tomorrow. Again, sitting in a court room and seeing the woman I love as a "foe" really plays with my mind. Not that I can control it, but I can't help but wonder how she feels about it.
She texted me yesterday saying that she missed our S. I asked her if it would help if I brought him by after work for a little bit to visit - trying to extend a hand. She replied "no, I'll wait".
I know I have probably said this in other threads, but I SO want ot tell her that she doesn't HAVE to miss our son. That there is hope in our relationship and neither of us has to do without him. If it is as painful for her as it is for me when he is gone, and I am fairly certain that it is, accepting that pain as opposed to trying to work on our R just makes no sense to me. I am not her, so I can't guess how she measures things - but I don't think I was a monster of a husband. I feel as though I a worthy of a second chance.....worthy of being a dad for my son and a H for my wife.
I have to drop him off today with her and I won't see him again until Sunday night. Already I am sorta sad about it. He is such an awesome little guy - being without him and the energy that he brings to the house is tough and I feel like I am always counting the days until he is back again.
Meh - enough of my pity party - just lifting some sadness off of my chest. I hope I get to be a full-time dad and H one of these days again. Preferably to my W.
