i'm not surprised you are going through your own re-appraisal of your marriage. you are in the middle of turbulent times emotionally where much change is afoot - in how you think, how you feel, what you do. and you are also investing a lot of energy into your relationship and possibly much more than W is (at least for now). given all this, some mixed feelings and uncertainty seem very normal. i encourage patience with yourself and not feeling like you need to rush into decisions or positions.
i also urge caution with your IC and their appraisal of your marriage. they hear only one side of it. it doesn't mean they don't have valuable insights or opinions. it's just that they work with incomplete data. if you have a copy of divorce remedy there is thoughtful material on this subject.
if you spend a couple days away, it is possible either or both of you will find this very relieving. it might say something about the simple relief in getting away from a tense situation, it might say something about how you feel about each other. in terms of DB, though, i would look for whether it changes any of the status quo patterns you have developed, even if in a small way. if so, look for any positive changes you can reinforce with low key appreciation. or, perhaps she will initiate a conversation in which you can listen really well and then not respond in the manner you usually do. i am hoping she can open up just a tiny bit and start giving feedback about how she feels or what she needs without you having to pursue this.
because you two have been with each other so long, she probably went into deep shut-down mode. what you don't know yet is if you are persistent enough with your DB strategies whether she will come around. because of the length of your relationship, that is likely to take a while - but - it can and does happen. one thing i can say for sure, all of your hard work will accrue to your benefit, regardless of how all of this turns out.
btw, have you visited the section of this site on success stories? they can be very informative.
here's a question: how do the two of you currently divide household responsibilities and how long have you been doing so?
