There are a lot of people who enjoy catering to their spouse with things like breakfast in bed every sunday.
Yep. I used to enjoy that very thing. I miss being allowed to do that.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
... I am sure that if there isn't knowledge of something "more", there is most likely suspicions... or there eventually will be... and in some circles, it will even be open...
If you check any of the lists of “red flags” for an A, you could check off a tonne of them regarding W and her MF. Do I smell cheese? Yes, I do. I’m not stupid. However, when I look at some of the things that W had accused me of, and the reasons she accused me of them, I can’t say that there weren’t strong reasons to believe what she believes about me too. A particularly unhelpful C worked it out with her that I was “leading a secret life” so it must be true, right?
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
... in NOT every situation, if it looks like cheese, it is cheese
But I will say this. MF has replaced me as W’s best friend. She can say that he’s no different than a FF, but regards to him replacing me as her best friend, it doesn’t matter what his gender is. I believe H and W should be best friends. My W and I once were best friends, but now I'm only a source of income and caretaker for our autistic son, so she can do her thing.
But in practical (DB) terms, my feelings don’t matter. It’s hard not having anyone to talk to. Maybe that’s why I came back to the boards. I have to act As-If, not only to my W, but to my kids too, and in the long run, I’m concerned about this:
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
... kids will pick up on stuff like that (and unfortunately this behaviour can be "normalized" to them), so do adults...
My eldest three kids are adults. Will they follow W’s example 30 years from now?
Acting As-if can be a double edged sword. Society puts such an high premium on personal happiness, and M is supposed to be an happy state of give and take. W used to call me a taker, and she wasn’t happy about it. Now the tables are turned, and I have to act happy.
But like KD said,
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
I am sure that if there isn't knowledge of something "more", there is most likely suspicions... or there eventually will be
So, I’ll act As-if everything is hunky-dory, and maybe some day, the reality of W’s behavior will sneak into her consciousness. And maybe the irony of how her actions appear to others v.s. how my actions appeared to her and her C will also hit home.
