J.S, Pur, ANS and 25, thank you so much for your time, your words, your empathy, and most of all, for sharing your wisdom.

I know that my sitch seems like the least important (for lack of a better word) on this board as we are not married and were only together a very short time, relatively speaking.

I agree that he is not good partner material as he is now. And slowly, but surely, as my dignity, mind, spine and self confidence return, I know not only that I CAN'T be with him like this (even if he comes back) but I don't WANT to be with him like this.

Something interesting, his marriage broke up when the ex wife got tired of the things that he did badly, or in some cases didn't do at all. When she brought up things like, being messy, him not cooking, him being lazy, and him not being 'romantic' with her (common complaints right? lol) its funny because he was not like that with me. He, right up until he deployed, was my master chef, my Mr. Fix-it, was SO romatic with me, in a really beautiful and unique way. He made me feel special, loved and treasured, EVERY SINGLE DAY. But it's like he fixed the problems he had with her, for me - his next relationship. But the things that bothered me, didn't seem to be big of an issue for her. Such as; his constant anger outbursts, his bad temper, his suffocating negative attitude, and his self centred-ness. A few things she said he did while with her would have sent me to the moon (or running - depending on how involved I was with him at that point) IE: getting bombed, smashed, trashed, stumbling drunk every single Friday. Or going out drinking after work and never calling nor coming home after, with minimal explanation afterwards.

So it would seem he is a work in progress. I think, after time to reflect on his own over a loss, he tries to change things he knows are wrong/illy placed in his mannerisms. I think that the things that the person (who is close to him at the time) said sink in and if he is in agreement (in his heart) he implements those changes.
IE: I bet for the 'next woman' he will try and be more patient (a huge complaint of mine) or will try and curb his temper.

So I agree that it will take losing me to change what is 'wrong' with him for the next woman.

But one thing I have made a mental note of: With his ex, they started fighting on the regular, he started complaining he didn't want the constant fighting, they started to grow apart, he suggested divorce, she didn't fight him on it, and so it went through. But from her lips, she didn't want the divorce but never show that to him on it, or even really let him know that she didn't want it in any way. (she went to a friends house and cried for 2 weeks, but never told him she was devasted. Then started divorce proceedings asap).

And with him, being that he is a bull-head. He makes a decision and then sticks with it, no matter what. Even if he doubt that decision. We have talked about that a lot with him. And even while in Thailand, he said he was worried he was throwing away the best thing that will ever happen to him, partner-wise and that he feared he would never meet another woman he felt so connected with, but, it was what it was.

So I don't think he will come back to me because no matter what, he is too stubborn. Hell, he went through with a divorce he told me that he didn't really want at the time, just because of his pride. I can't see him bothering to break that pattern now for just a "lil' ole' girlfriend" but I do believe he will change for the next person.

Does that make sense?

BUT

I don't think that anything he changes is permanant unless HE wants to change it.

I know from experience, when you make changes to yourself, solely for the benefit or 'gain' of someone else, those changes NEVER last.

God, every day that passes, I am a bundle of nerves. It's seems weird but I am both cartwheel-preforming excited over his return, and barfing in the toliet fearful, all at the same time.