A while ago I told him if a break up (as that is what he was alluding to) is what he wants he has to do all the work. When i said that to him he said what do you mean....like he thought just saying the words was enough. So i said to him the house, the bills, the division of assets, the filing, the legal responsibility....everything. I have always been the one in the relationship to take responsibilities like this by the reins and i felt the only way he could face consequence was to make him do all the hard work.
he has been free loading off a friend for the last 2 months (staying in his basement - with no responsibility) and essentially having a room mate - though this guy is married with 2 kids he would never kick him out. i feel like he has enabled H to not do anything about the situation he has created.
H has been avoiding everything and anything in thiswhole situation. Avoiding dealing with consequences (he initally told me he lied to me about what city he was in because he didn't want to deal with me being upset), avoided talking to his closest family and friends, avoided talking to me about it, ran to his friends house and avoided dealing with anything other then the second he was living in for 2 months.
After me freaking out at him last week (which again i have done about 4 times in our entire relationship) and confronting him about this girl and telling him he hasn't take accountability for his actions (he says he has - i said how he hasn't done anything other than walking about the door) he emailed me today and said he had spoken to a lawyer and just emailed me a few things that they said about bills (saying he doesn't have to pay the utilities bills in the house because he isn't living here? that doesn't make sense to me - but he does the mortgage), etc and said he is renting an apartment as of next month (yet wants nothing from the house). He said i'm emailing you because i didn't want to fight about this on the phone. Again avoiding me because seeing me either crying or angry or even seeing me makes him face what hes doing. i picked up the phone and called him and said i told you that any of these conversations are going to be face to face and we are going to talk about this tonight. He said tomorrow i said no if you talked to a lawyer today about all this and about not paying certain bills we have together i have to talk to one tomorrow about my side of things. And he said to me i called one cause you told me to. I also said we are to have these conversations face to face so he agreed to come over. As soon as he sees me crying he starts crying and says i hate to upset you. I said how can you say you don't care about me then?
he also emailed me because he wanted to let me know he came up to the house to get a few things (me thinking he moved the remainder of his clothes out as he has only taken 1/2, leaving a lot of things he uses regularly) - he took one t-shirt and his personal folder which has his personal banking stuff and various other personal info - taxes, bill, residency info, that sort of thing. and i think his dad is sending him money. If you were 100% about wanting out of this marriage and said you were planning on moving out of your friends basement and into an apartment wouldn't you take your clothes? or more than one t-shirt?
i was devastated by this conversation tonight. Just talking about the same stuff in our relationship and his essentially just walking away and shutting down. I felt he was lying about something about the apartment and something about the lawyer didn't seem right. I asked her name and he only told me her last name (similar to him only telling me the real estate agents first name and not remember his last). I looked up on the law society website after he left and there is no lawyer by that last name here.....unless they are practicing out of this province or are not practicing? doesn't add up if you ask me...
we talked briefly about bills that we have to pay together until things get sorted and he is pushing for me to do work - i said no this isnt what i want so absolutley not. He got pissy with me but i told him from the start i wasn't doing anything with this.
When he was leaving i said i was still going to talk to a lawyer to protect myself - he said i'm not trying to screw you here. I said still i can't take what you say your lawyer says as bible (especially with the constant lying thus far). he said for me to call him in a few days and we can talk about this again, about what to do. My plan is to yeah have this conversation with a lawyer but not make much initiative to call him. i feel like he is playing me a little bit here....either pushing me to do the work, or trying to get money to move out with out getting out of his other legal/financial obligations, or make it look like he is doing something/taking accountability.
Normal i would talk to his mom about this cause she talks to him regularly but i feel like i have included her in one instance of calling out his lies and don't want to do that again. I have told her i need to back off from them for the time being and pick up the pieces of my life.
Sorry if this is all over the place i'm writing between tears and sort of venting..... Do i just give up?
What do i do next...any help or advice or opinion is GREATLY appreciated
When he came up i was crying - i tried so hard to keep it together but i couldn't. He hasn't seen me cry in 2 months over this. And to be honest crying is the only time he shows any sort of compassion towards me and i just couldn't hold it together.
He comes up with the same lies and BS. That he can fall out of love in a month and that he has tried to work on it for the last two months (with out me knowing apparently). blah blah blah - lies.
