How 2 balance detaching & improving communication?

[2thepoint]

"So she gets back and my oldest son gives her ish for being gone so long and she says something along the lines of "well you guys were watching football and didn't make an effort to talk w/ me." I said I hardly watched any football as I was doing laundry and organzing my youngest son's closet with him and also played and built a play town with him. I then said something like "maybe you should make a little more effort" and she got pissed."

Ouch! Bad SIAS! My guess is your comments conjured up some bad emotional scars that triggered the response you got from your W. Maybe dig into that one a little to see where that has surfaced before and how you can avoid it from cropping up again.

Also, just my 2 cents here, but you might consider telling your W that your comments were not intended to hurt or antagonize her but you see that they did and you are sorry for making her feel uncomfortable. Then drop it. Just that little bit of validation might go a long way towards healing this small rift.

And yes, you do need to work on your detachment. Until you get to a point where you are no longer affected emotionally by anything your W says or does, you are not fully detached. So keep working at that!

All things considered, things seem to be improving between you and W, so keep it going.