Wife Left Part 3

[CO1978]

This is a long story short, NEED HELP PLEASE ADVISE!!!!!

Today wife called to tell me she talked to D lawyer. I didn't take news very well.

She told me she wanted to get a no fault divorce and we could do a split custody of S. I told her it would be easier if I didn't still love her, so I told her I couldn't do this.

She got angry and asked if I was going to make her take this to court, and if I did, her lawyer would make sure she took me for everything. I told her I didn't care, and she could have everything. Her reply was "Are you crazy?". I said "If I'm going down, I'm going down in a blaze of glory." She then asked "Is it fair to S that you are going to make him go to court and deal with all this?" I replied "Is it fair you are going to make him go through this divorce?"

She told me if I came to my senses to call her.

Well I came to my senses and called her back after about an hour. I told her I don't want to make this difficult for her or S since I love them so much.

She said it wasn't going to be anytime soon, but she wanted to get it over with. Somewhere in this talk it came up that I was EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE (our counselor called it manipulation) to her. Wow that hurt me to find this out.

Being emotionally abusive to her is where she got the feeling of walking on eggshells. We discussed this for a little bit, then I agreed I would pick S up tomorrow.

After this little talk I googled emotionally abusive relationships. I did my research, took a quiz and realized I did fit the bill for a lot of the things (this is a big thing to realize and is now the top reason of our marriage breakdown).

I texted her if we could talk more about this so I could get a better understanding. She called me pretty much immediately.

We talked for about 45 minutes on this subject, and my quiz answers. She told me that she knew I didn't realize I was doing it, but it took a great toll on her.

It was a very good talk with her and really helped me understand why she is feeling the way she does (plus she came out and asked, now do you see why I feel this way?)

She agreed to still go to counseling on Wednesday. I asked what about if we continue to go to counseling. She said, "Let's see what he says on Wednesday night, if he says we should, I will."

So now any chance (or best chance) at reconciliation is on Wednesday night at counseling. Its not that I have to try to convince W to hold off on divorce, but I have to convince counselor that W and I should stay married.

I could use some advice on the Do's and Don'ts. I am hoping counselor will say "Yes this marriage can be saved with more counseling!"

I do think if he says W is beyond her point of staying in marriage, all hope of our marriage goes out the window. So again I need advice on how to DB my MC!!!