Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Piecing is a minefield of mixed signals as well! I think my H is still convincing himself that he really wants this M and so I get a lot of the flak from the battle that is going on within himself. A few examples:
1. He tells me I don't take enough pics of our family events. I take pics, he tells me I take too much pics. He tells me tp post pics on FB, then he tells me I post ugly pics of him, I cbhoose them carefully, then he tells me I didn't respect his wishes. We have a huge fight about this last NYE,unresolved by bedtime, with me seething while watching him sleep, then in the morning, he wants to ML.
2. He talks about expenses. Says we have barely enough money left for luxuries. Then he buys me a nice, expensive gift for Christmas. Then he goes ahead and buys himself a nice, expensive hunting rifle (so the earrings were a setup so I wouldn't mind his big expense?)
3. My sister is undergoing a divorce. H is very critical of my BIL. My friend is also undergoing one. Again, H is critical. Doesn't he realize he almost did the same thing with our family? Although, he did say initially when I started telling him about this events that he felt I was guilting him, especially when we talked about what the kids felt like.
4. We have been attending Retrouvaille, and my H always makes it a point to go to the post sessions, even cancelling hunting trips and coming back at weird hours after business trips just to make it to the sessions. He even now wants to volunteer to support other couples. It just blows me away because he still has not apologized to me, doesn't show affection, and has not said ILY, but obviously, feels that our M is "saved".
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I have never done piecing, and very well done for hanging in there.
However it does seem to me that you jump when he presses the button. Maybe I have lived alone too long, but I would take as many pictures as I felt I should.
And why is he telling you to post pictures on fb?
I think a little distance is still needed as this man is continuing to whirl.
i have noticed that people who have gone through MLC and come out are very critical of others' failures in marriage - supporting the idea that what we dislike most in other people is something we have done or know we are capable of, and do not like!
PS How do you stop yourself from laughing at this madness?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
You have to wonder if they have some little inkling of how nuts they are? How are they with other people? Are they only that nuts around us?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My H is not that FB savvy, and we use FB to communicate with his large family, who all live in different parts of the worl, so I post for him. Its fun, we all try to outdo each other on who ate what, who cooked what, everyone comments, so dropping out of FB is almost unthinkable.
Being caught in the middle of this mix up isn't too laughable though, only when you look back at it. It can be really exasperating and frustrating, to be honest!
Yes, with piecing it is almost like back to walking on eggs. But not in a negative way - I think it is just getting used to the fact that you are caring again. Making sure that your changes stick with you is hard - I find myself easily slipping back into my old ways, and being on guard makes me also unsure of what to do, so I err on avoiding confrontation.
Now that a couple of months have passed, I am getting more confident, and again it led to me going the other way (being argumentative, learning to not be afraid of conflict).
It caused us some trouble, and now I am trying to learn new ways to back off, or compromise.... am I confusing you?
I am afraid of sending out mixed signals too!!!! (yikes!)
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
