i'm glad you have found this website and are empowering yourself with tools you will need for this challenging time.
i would say you can expect a lot of intense and mixed feelings on both your parts over the next weeks and months. try very hard not to over-react to any given day or event as this can become crazy-making. the more important thing is to look for the longer term trend line and the small changes she will inevitably make in response to some of the things you learn here.
you have two things going in your favor if you proceed with DB principles and actions. first, most of these PAs that originate within a marriage expire fairly quickly. they reach peak infatuation very quickly and then they start losing their luster as the other guy eventually is seen as the mere mortal he is. secondly, you can make yourself a more appealing partner, although it usually takes a while to build and practice these skills. so, his stock is probably already in a decline and yours either is or soon will be on the rise. the lines will eventually cross.
i would say your single most important task at this point is to learn not to over-pursue a resolution of her affair with the other guy and a reparation of your own relationship. trust me when i say, most people tend to do this and it often backfires. you feel panic-stricken and desperate and you want to grab and hold on for dear life. it's understandable and i've done it, too.
if she strongly and consistently shows an interest in repair activities, meet but don't exceed her level of interest. the reason i say strongly and consistently is that this is a time when you are likely to get a lot of mixed signals and you need to know her stance is consistent and sustainable. otherwise, you are at risk for over-pursuit and emotional harm to yourself.
i wish you the best. you have a lot of supporters here and they all want you to succeed.
