How bad, I just realised this. I used to go out drinking after work pretty regularly. There were many nights where W would pick me up from the train station at midnight smashed. She never asked where I'd been or what I was doing, she'd just come and get me. I just saw it as relieving the stress of the week, the kids would see me in this state sometimes. This went on for a long time, I loved her for being there for me, she never said what it was doing to her. I never cheated on her. I broke that cycle just over a year ago.
I'm sorry for your pain, I really am. I am grateful you are looking inward b/c that's where the real journey is.
"how bad?" You said you were never violent...which I'm sure you realize is scraping the bottom for behavioral standards..llike saying you're not a rapist.
But I see that your frequent fighting and calling her an idiot somehow didn't register to you as "that bad"...and only now do the numerous nights you wanted to "relieve stress" in a bar, come to mind. What cycle did you break a year ago?
Be brave and look deep within. As she can learn to forgive you, you can learn to forgive her, and yourself...
but forgiveness a process and a learned skill most of us never saw growing up.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
