You know, as single mom, going through a divorce, and dealing with issues from stbx that still come up....I feel DAMN OVERWHELMED alot of the time. Damn overwhelmed!
Lord have I been stuck a time or two through out this whole thing. Nothing is fair, it feels like you against the world, and how can you fight the world when you don't have anyone taking care of you?
You said you want your independence and self esteem back 100%, but you don't have it when he's around. Time to take control, and quit worrying about him, and upsetting him when sticking to this agreement you signed. Look at what it's doing to you by being afraid of taking a stand? Maybe less ripples in the water on the surface, but what is it doing to you on the inside?
I agree with cat about the boundaries. In the long run the person it hurts is ourselves if we don't stick to them. Having healthy boundaries doesn't make us bad, it makes us smart! Boundaries you have need to vary per situation. Some need to be rock hard while others can be more flexible.
I have to admit, when i realized how victumized I felt and how i was getting a little stuck, well something changed inside of me. I realized that regardless of the emotional devastation that I've suffered through stbx MLC, as beat up and battered as I felt, that I had the choice to be in control of myself and NOT STAND DOWN TO THIS CRAP.
I went to counseling too and it really helped me alot. For me, what I found out was how codependent I had come with my H even before MLC hit. Guess where the real co dependent stuff started? With my mom. Serious issues like abandonment also really hit me like a ton of bricks too when MLC started. As I took the time to feel these emotions, and think about them, I saw how I brought them into my marriage, unintentionally of course.
And guess what? Had H not spun out of here like an F-5 tornado and leave me with the aftermath, I don't think I ever would've explored these issues, at least not for a long time.
Now, Im finding the good that's come out of this ordeal, for me.
Do I still hurt at times? You betcha. Hell I was balling this weekend listening to music that takes me back to when I was 18 years old.
I still get angry and frustrated. But when I stand back and see it for what it really is....I then am no angry.
You're doing great ETB....you're going to be just fine! Yes focus on you and dear god if you can stay as far away from that man as possible. NC is the true healer.
