In my opinion telling the OM's wife is morally imperative. By not informing her you are keeping a secret from her and are actively protecting the affair. OMW deserves to know what is happening to her life and to make her own choices accordingly. You telling her the truth won't hurt her, her husband's actions have already done that.
And as aside, in my experience the vast majority of the time when caught an OM will run back to his wife and cutout without a second thought his "side action", which happens to be your wife. Conversely, I have observed that this is not true of most WW. Some will drop their affair when caught, but most have developed a strong emotional bond to their affair partner and will only consider stopping an affair when they become overwhelmed with negative consequences. Moving out is a negative consequence, but moving out temporarily to give hubby some space and using this as an opportunity for more time with OM is definitely not a negative consequence.
Fade,
I am going to disagree with everything that you have said here.
There is no moral obligation to hurt another human being.
3am does not know her and does not need to involve himself in her M. What he needs to worry about is his own.
While the actions of a woman's H are what have caused the pain, when a perfect stranger fills her in on the gory details, more than likely, that stranger will become the bad guy.
I will repeat, if she is meant to find out, she will find out. With no help needed from 3am.
Additionally, if 3am feels that he needs some time apart from his W to process his feelings, then he should take it, without people trying to make him feel like he is giving her a pass to cheat.
Because he isn't. And he is also not in a position that he wants to become punisher to his W...
Although that sounds like that may be what you are suggesting...
I hope I am mistaken...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
