Forgiveness

[antlers]

I think what Gabby's saying is, you are too wordy and imo, this letter is NOT needed. It certainly wasn't my idea. I was talking to my brother the other night and I basically told him about hanging on for so long and then finally, after 3 long years, committing to letting go. I also told him how good it made me feel to forgive her...to be able to do that. I then explained that I truly wanted my kids to be OK and that they neede both of us, even though we were divorced. And I told him I was through pursuing her, and not only was I committed to moving on without her, but that I actually wanted her to be happy, healthy, and have love in her life. Since he'd talked with her about the problems our kids were having, and she made it clear to him that she still harbored resentment toward me...he thought that it's help the situation out if she knew how I now felt...what I'd explained to him. He suggested that information be conveyed to her. She also suggested that my brother mediate for us. I got the same sense from your post that she did. A lot of the "I only want what's best for them" and "we need to co-parent"

sounds close to implicitly suggesting that SHE does not want what's best for them

(hence the comment "they have not been co-parented for some time now" as if SHE isn't doing her job. Where were you? And the OM is not relevant, at all....and it's telling you'd mention him.) I mentioned the OM to my brother because she had told my brother that we'd been communicating good for a good while and then it stopped, and she gave him a false reason for it stopping. She didn't mention the OM as being the reason. She admitted to him that our kids were affected because of the way things had been and because of the divorce. I've been present, as had she...but because there was so much animosity...the kids continued to struggle.

For all the talk of it, I am Not sure you have let go. I have, but it doesn't happen immediately. I think it's a process. I am in that process. The decision to do it was certain. I am letting go. I think it's at least partly a tactic to see if letting her go, gets her back. Ironic but that's how it's hitting me atm. Again, it wasn't my idea at all to communicate anything to her. I'm not letting go and moving on in order to do anything, except to be try and be happy and enjoy life after many years of unhappiness. I realize that I must do this. I have no other motivation. Honest.

Work on letting go of what YOUR part in this was, learning from it and changing.
I have been, and still am, doing that. I have already truly forgiven myself for my wrongdoings...I still have a conscience though and I still feel bad about it. I have learned from it. Much. I will do better if I ever get another chance at a committed relationship. I have made many changes. My brother, who I've been estranged from for over a decade until the last couple of months, knew what a prick I was. And he's been 'impressed' (for lack of a better word) with the man he knows now.
How are YOU a different man today than before?? Have you replaced your anger only with morose sorrow? I am able to have compassion...for myself and others. I didn't before. Anger does not control me anymore. It once did. I realize that love from others shouldn't be taken for granted. It should be nourished, daily, constantly...and seen for the blessing it truly is. I'm more patient, kind, understanding. And I want to do better. My anger has been replaced with compassion more than anything else. I am sad at the losses that I've experienced.

that's Not the only option. Thank God. I realize that.

At some point you must let go of the sadness...and create a new, fulfilling life for yourself. I know that. I'm working on it. I really am. And for the first time in years...I have hope that I can be happy and fulfilled in the future.

MAYBE

you should Stop all the "co-parenting" talk, and just father your kids. Our kids are messed up because of all of this bad that's happened. Something different has to be done. I've discussed the problems my kids are having on this board.

Otherwise it sounds like an excuse for contact, and I think what Mach said alludes to that. Again, contact was not my idea. He (my brother) thought what I had told him would help if she also knew that. That's all. He has seen firsthand how screwed up my kids are.

You really are a smart man. But you've been stuck and sad too long. So all the talk about how "new" this is to you rings a LITTLE hollow. Thanks. There are those who would disagree with you. Agreed, I have been stuck and sad for too long. I am trying the best I can to do something about that. I do believe that I've made progress too. It is 'new' for me to be letting go, and moving forward! I'm a novice at it. But the best way to learn how to do something is to do it. And that's what I'm outting forth effort to do.

You can do this. I am confident that I can too! Thanks.

((( )))