Another WAW

[sandi2]

After you answered all those questions from my first post, (thanks, btw) I think your W is extremely insecure in her MR. I also believe her self-esteem is very low. I'm not saying that you caused any of those issues. In fact, I suspect she had them when the two of you M. It was b/c of those issues that she thought the two of you would be D in 6 mo. It was b/c of those issues she locked herself in the bathroom. If I had to guess, your inappropriate behavior gave her a false message that she couldn't trust you and/or she wasn't all you needed or wanted in a woman.

Women can be at the top in their profession but it doesn't necessarily give the confidence as a woman. IMHO, her ego was fed by her shooting coach and when she discovered how good that felt, it drove her to other directions.....such as the man in TX. I doubt she gave the first coach the boot, but more than likely it was the other way around.

I can tell you from experience that this can very quickly lead to an EA and that it is extremely addictive. Whenever you discover your W hiding a phone under the bed covers, it's more than just friendship! She told you the truth when she said it was fun, but she didn't tell you the whole truth!

It will be hard for her to stop this behavior, but certainly not impossible. I think she's discovered this is an escape from her unhappiness.

My question, when it comes to DB, is with the GAL part. It would be good for me to take a class, piano lessons, go out with friends. I have tried with some of these as I've described in an earlier post and they usually result in a negative reaction from my W.

Does she feel negative about all of those things or just the poker? Was it that or does she not want you doing anything without her? Why would she care if she's out of town? GAL is for you, but I don't think you should do something your W is against. Has she always been this way whenever you wanted to GAL?

and so she gets mad today about me ordering tofu.

This is when you need a sense of humor! Be funny or throw it back at her (not the anger) but don't let her get the best of the situation. She's controlling you by her anger!

For example:

Wife: "I don't even know who you are anymore"

You: "I know, right? It's crazy! There's no telling what I may do next!"

Wife: "Who did you order tofu with, I've never seen you eat it before. ".

You: "I think I just ordered it with you, darling. First time for everything. And you thought I was hopeless!"

Wife: "You are such a liar"
You: "Hey, this stuff isn't half bad, want a bite?"

Now, that might not be something you would say, so use your personality......just tune it up to fit.

I don't really respond other than say "I wish I had tried it sooner, It's good. I should have listened to your recommendation". Is that the right way to deal with the issue?

Yeah, there you go! Ha!

occasionally she mention how she will do this or that when she moves to Dallas

How do you respond to those type jabs? I may be very wrong, but I'm wondering if she is a controller. It would make sense that she'd have that need to be in control, if her brother molested her. I'm not a professional, but she seems to control you pretty well by getting mad. Does she do the same way with her parents? That may be why she doesn't have many female friends.

am I spending to much time with my W? Am I to available? I am only around if she wants me to be. There is only physical contact if it is a back rub, foot rub, lotion, or scratching(she really likes her head scratched). Is this okay if she wants it? What is the rule of thumb on this?

Not sure how much time you're together, but the main thing is that there should be time apart to do things independently from each other. If you find yourself doing whatever she wants all the time.....then you need to be less available, for sure! And if that causes her to pitch a fit, then let her pitch.

As for the physical contact, you do whatever you want about that, so long as she wants it too.

What does your counselors think about her cursing? Could be all the male companions she has, IDK. I just think it's more than that.

I don't know that she's the typical WAW. I think she needs therapy.