On the verge, have I caught this thing?

[cat04]

Forgive? I don't know, I think so. The counselor said she'd need to tell this OM it's over in front of someone else and leave her job. If she could do this I think I could, but how do I know he doesn't pursue her even when she's left, he's said to her he's willing to leave his wife for her. She lied about this, she could as easily lie about not hearing from him again.

3,

There are no actions that she can do that will allow you to forgive her.

Forgivness is a gift that you give to yourself.

It allows you to step away from the anger and keep yourself from becoming a resident of Bittersville.

It is also something that you should pursue regardless of whether she gives up OM and you reconcile, or you D and she continues a R with him or someone else.

Honestly, if you aren't capable of finding forgivness, even if she does everything the counselor said, the reconciliation will be short lived or miserable at best. Because you will always harbor that mistrust and resentment within you.

So I can't get the OG out of my mind, and can't get to sleep. I asked W when they were last physical, it was last week in the afternoon, after we had been physical in the morning. I picture the two of them together, he lives in the area, I want to track him down, or 'bump' into him on the way to work. When I picture us reconciling I see her still thinking about him, comparing.

So you got more info than you bargained for. It takes time to digest this stuff. It does get better.

I can almost guarantee that the demons in your head are larger than the reality of the situation.

Now you need to find a way to quiet them.

Read the books when you get them. Take time to look within yourself to find the reasons behind the bad behaviors you displayed in your M. Heal those things.

You can make changes and do all of the "right" things, however, if you don't mean them, if you don't believe in those actions, she will know.

Counseling is great. Personally, I don't believe it is the end all be all of anything though. Until a person is ready to do the work on themselves, all the counseling in the world is just time spent talking. I have known many people who have been in counseling for years, and they are no better than they were before they started.

You seem to be at the point where you are willing to try to do the work. To make the necessary changes, to learn the lessons that you need to learn (and we all have lessons that we need to learn from life and these situations), you will need to be brutally honest with yourself. You will have to be patient with yourself. You will have to be patient with her and the situation.

This mess didn't happen overnight and it won't be fixed that quickly either.

It can be done though. I can tell you that it is a journey worth taking.