Don't know how much longer I can endure this!

[tested metal]

Yes! Spot on! Thank you Mach, I could not have stated that better myself.

I know that the only solution probably is getting a S agreement, but that takes a good amount of $ here where I live because the state demands mediation on top of paying the L for filing.

When I have the money I will get it legally in writing, if this is still a problem at that time. I will still be saving nevertheless, to protect myself.

I just wanted to vent and also wanted feedback in case I am not thinking this through or if I am being totally selfish and unreasonable.

Ever since this whole thing started, it seems like I am constantly scrutinizing myself and my feelings to make sure that I am not doing things out of spite or selfishness. Since W has pretty much made it seem like I am selfish or had been in the past, I am exploring that possibility in the present and if i need to make those changes for the future (be it with or without W) I will. Or she could be projecting.. either way it is worth exploring.