Too Little, Too late 3

[purgatory]

CES: Thanks for checking on on me. I'm always surprised when people take their time to give me some attention, it's a comforting feeling.

I'm going through the same craziness I felt when H dropped the bomb over a month ago... I know that there will come a time when my logic can overtake my emotions (because I've done it before), I'm really fighting it right now.

I DO have a feeling of justice needing to be applied here. But you are exactly right, there's no way to accomplish that without making me look foolish and the bad guy. I wish I could put a 'scarlet letter' on them both and parade them through town.

I logically know, that anything I attempt to do against this- will only create a unity between them and push them closer sooner.... but I can't stop my evil brain from making plans. For now, I have a short leash on it- I would rather kill it all together.

In regards to how I'm reacting to his comments- I'm listening and validating. I do not defend, or make excuses. (in fact, H made a passing comment that I "didn't used to be so willing to listen"- so he notices.) I'm presenting the image I want to him- but I'm dying inside. I can't process all the emotions and thoughts that come up. That's where the lack of friends comes into play, and I get lower and lower.

I do have a few plans lined up next week to try some new things and meet new people... This week is H's week off, so I can GAL because of the kids.

I can't tell you how much it means to know that there are strangers out there who care and understand my pain. Thank you all from the bottom of my broken heart.