I know! My reply to his was SO full of neediness. I agree! It's pretty gross. But in a way - because I have no real hope (fantasy hope yes, actual concrete hope nope) that we are staying together, I guess it doesn't really matter. Except it is undignified for me.


And re: baby fever: it was HIM who had it. Not us. We felt a bit of a pinch to start trying because I was 39-40 at the time and we knew my bun-makin' oven wasn't getting any younger. But yes THANK GOD I had the strong desire to be married before we had a baby, otherwise, I would most likely be pregnant right now and going through this.


And yes his 'being posted' comment did scare me because as I mentioned, in fantasy I was hoping somehow, we'd be together and that I would be posted with him. I know that isn't reality though.

I was really looking forward to our next posting and we had spent hours chit chatting excitedly about the 'what ifs' regarding the various places we could end up. It was a 2x4 of reality, once again that that dream for my near future is no more.

Him not being there, it's easy to excape into a little bubble sometimes that everything *really will* be okay with us, but it won't. 5 more weeks and I will be getting a daily reminder of this.


You're right about the adrenaline rush. As we all know, new relationships cause all those endorphins to run wild, when that wears off and the relationship causes any stress, he goes running. And you know what? He will again with the next woman too.

I think that it just took his docile wife a lot longer to get to the point we did, but it was much the same point indeed.

I am not a peach, and h3ll knows I've done a lot of things wrong, but I've been a really great partner and wanted this to work, and was WILLING to do things to MAKE it work. He didn't. Not because he hates me, not because he used me, but because he has never stuck it through the 'bad times' of ANY relationship, and will most likely continue on that path. He will find a new adrenaline rush and once it wears off with her, go to the next. I truly believe that.



Thanks so much for listening to my gripes. I still of course have flickers of hope, but not very much.

Oh and the posting thing? I was talking to our mutual friend and he said that notices of postings don't come out until April. Knowing my EX he was saying that to be flippant as he knows I was really looking forward to moving.