One11, You are not the first person to reach out and pursue. You are not the first person to express your feelings in this manner. Generally it is not productive to the goals most of us here have. Most of us consider this a mistake. Mistakes are things we learn from. We learn not to repeat them. Some of us myself included take awhile to learn. Ruminating over a mistake just makes me feel bad. Ceasing to make the same mistake means I have moved forward. GAL to feel better. Try to move forward.

I agree with 25, and she stated it much more eloquently than I ever could. I have seen some people placed in risky situations justify short term gratifications on the basis of the risk. Some exaggerated the risk to justify the gratification. I would add there is a rush people get from pursuing new relationships and some people seem to pursue the rush itself.

We cannot state what will happen in a few weeks when he returns. You can only hope to control your actions. I can state I have never found needy, emotional women attractive. Calmly confident, independent, approachable women are attractive to me and I like to think I am like most in this regard.

It has been said people want what they cannot have. If you become the women only a fool would leave and he realizes it he may reengage, but if he is only interested in the pursuit where does that leave you?

I apologize as this is rough. Breathe, you have a plan, execute it and move forward. Post here to vent your fears, your frustrations.
Recognize the baby steps even if they are only from your recovery, celebrate your successes.

BITS
Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55
D 30
S 27

You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill