Update. Went to the counselling session - W had a PA. They've been at it as recently as last Wednesday, us in the morning, OG in the afternoon, it's been going on for 3 months, the EA for about 6 months. This is so painful. When she fessed up there was a lot of tears. She's saying things like: I've always said I'm married before, why did I let it get this far, why couldn't you have changed like this earlier. And I should have changed earlier, I was always right, always had the stronger opinion, put her down a lot at least I've learned an incredible amount about myself and how a wife should be put on a pedestal.
Not sure where to go from here. She's at her mums tonight, I requested that as I've nowhere to go and everything I love, including our kids are at our home. She agreed to that, we'll speak tomorrow.
