Thanks Sandi2 for asking. I'm doing okay. Our sons are back at school and my W and have been working most of the week. I know you and 25 took the time to respond to my post, and I really appreciate the feedback. Your insight is invaluable to those of us on this board.
I replied to your responses, trying to fill in some of the details. New at this forum correspondence medium, it can be hard to convey your precise meaning sometimes.
My question, when it comes to DB, is with the GAL part. It would be good for me to take a class, piano lessons, go out with friends. I have tried with some of these as I've described in an earlier post and they usually result in a negative reaction from my W. An example would be a weekend back in December when my W went to SEA to test some skeet shotguns. There happened to be a poker game with my co-workers that same weekend and about 18 of us went. i told my W I was going and initially she said have a good time. When she got back however, the negative comments started. "Now you are going to poker night, who are you", etc...followed by cursing. She wasn't in town, I thought this is what DB recommends, get out, don't sit around alone. But all it does is make her mad.
Do a 180, try new things right? I had tofu at lunch today with her. I never eat tofu, she has always wanted me to try it. Actually I had it once before this past summer when my W and I had Thai food in Chicago. Yet she doesn't remember that, and so she gets mad today about me ordering tofu. "I don't even know who you are anymore" she said. "Who did you order tofu with, I've never seen you eat it before. You are such a liar". I don't argue with her, I don't really respond other than say "I wish I had tried it sooner, It's good. I should have listened to your recommendation". Is that the right way to deal with the issue?
Do I continue with GAL and 180's even if they get a negative reaction from my W? I must say it seems as if my wife wants nothing to do with me yet doesn't want me to do anything either.
Here is how my weekend went, Saturday, I spent doing some housework (laundry, cleaning, etc). My W spent much of the time on the computer or iPhone, she has a couple of games she enjoys. We then ate lunch together - I made her an omelet. We watched the NFL playoffs for much of the Denver game and then rented a movie on Apple tv - "Midnight in Paris". Pretty much spent the whole day together. Most of it good interaction, occasionally she mention how she will do this or that when she moves to Dallas. Especially the weather and how she can't wait to get out from this cold (-17 today).
Sunday - I went and got her a mocha and cinnamon roll at the local coffee shop since she had a craving for something sweet. She is going to Hawaii in Feb with her Mom, so we went shopping for swim suits. We spent 3 hours shopping together, she would try things on and ask me what I thought. When some of the suits didn't fit she stayed in the dressing room while I was sent to get something different. Nothing like the sight of a 6'5" man sorting through women's swimming suits, we laughed about that. Nothing negative until the lunch and I made the mistake of ordering tofu. We then went to a movie at the theater (War Horse). The movie theme of horses was why my W wanted to see it, but it got so brutal and bloody at the end my W got up and left. I made some dinner for her, then she went to her room and tried on the swim suits to show me how they looked. Just before she went to bed she had me put lotion on her back since the cold really dries out her skin. I sat and rubbed her back for a little while she played a game on her iPhone, she wanted me to help solve some of the levels. Then she went to bed.
My wife works the next three days and then goes home to see her parents over the weekend. I'm actually going to fly this week, I have a 3 day layover in HNL. I need a break. Between work and my personal situation, I'm tired. It will be fun to get out and do something I'm good at.
Another question to Sandi2 or 25, am I spending to much time with my W? Am I to available? I am only around if she wants me to be. There is only physical contact if it is a back rub, foot rub, lotion, or scratching(she really likes her head scratched). Is this okay if she wants it? What is the rule of thumb on this?
Does it seem like we spend a lot of time together? This has been perplexing to both my counselors. They have said that with most WAW's, they are done and want nothing to do with you.
This weekend is fairly typical, we have dinner together most every night, talk some, etc. Every now and then something will get my W angry, usually relating to something I'm doing now that I don't usually do.
Day to day, it feels as if nothing is changing, but compared to 3 months ago, it seems better. So what is your opinion, am i on the right path? Is this all superficial to her or does she like the time spent together?
