WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

[workinghardguy]

Thanks OT... yeah, I'm fine... just took a break from the boards for a couple days. Needed some space and have enough heartbreak here to fill a supertanker.

Quiet weekend. W left some time on Friday and didn't come home until Sunday afternoon. She did call though, all three days, to talk to S which I appreciated. S has been much more affectionate and worried about where mom is since we broke the news to the kids.

Not a lot of GAL this weekend. Originally I was going to be out of town all weekend at a search and rescue school. But when the decision was made to tell the kids last weekend I cancelled the school attendance. I didn't want to be gone for three days at the school and then gone this coming week for four days at a school board convention. I didn't think that would be good for my S, so instead S and I hung out most of the weekend together.

It was a good weekend. I can tell my S is processing the divorce stuff slowly. On Friday I noticed that S is back to randomly singing songs; it's one of his trademarks. He hadn't sung a song since last Sunday when we broke the news. Friday night he had some questions. Tonight he had some too, and we read two of "his divorce books" as he calls them. I'll admit it was hard reading "It's Not Your Fault Ko-Ko Bear" with him. At one point in the book the book says "What should Ko-Ko's parents say to Ko-Ko Bear?" It's meant as a discussion point.

When I asked my S that question his reply was, "they should tell him that maybe, someday mommy and daddy bear will get back together." Broke my heart. I said, "but mommy and daddy bear aren't getting back together, so what then should they say". His reply? "They should say it anyway, because even if it's not true it will make Ko-Ko Bear feel better." After that it was bed time and I offered to read a bedtime story to him but he demanded another one of his "divorce books" so we read "Two Houses". At least that one wasn't quite as heartbreaking to read.

So yes... very little contact with W this weekend. She asked me to get SS and SD from XH so she could nap. I told her that wouldn't work as S had a play date scheduled with an old daycare friend and I'd be busy. We did have some time together getting the kids in bed and discussing the week ahead. She still wants to file D paperwork sometime in the next few weeks and is looking at a house this week. Though this is coming off her week of vacation where she accomplished nothing on her list except moving to the basement.

We did have a brief convo tonight where she caught me in the bedroom as I was getting my clothes ready. She recounted this story from the weekend... and I don't get why she shares this stuff, but she does. A guy was there... the guy that she first had a crush on and I think was a catalyst in all this. Over time she has lost feelings for him because he's a mess, an alcoholic, and all other stuff. Anyway, she's up at her weekend and telling a friend about us telling the kids and how the kids seem to be doing ok with it so far. This guy overhears the convo, comes up to her, and tells her that she shouldn't sugarcoat it... she's ruining her kids' lives, especially SS's life, ripping him away from a good guy who gives a damn about him (he grew up with an abusive stepdad), and there's really no good reason for what she's doing except being completely selfish.

Wow... if I didn't still kind of resent the guy I'd like to send him a high-five on Facebook. I simply replied that it's way too early to know how the kids will do with this and left the room. I made a point of being inaccessible the rest of the night.

It feels like she wants me to tell her that this will all be ok... but I won't say that. I will say that we'll do the best we can, that this can work, but I don't feel like I need to assuage her guilt or make it all ok for her.

I did try to rescue my treadmill this weekend. When she moved to the basement the treadmill ended up near her bed. Now with snow outside my exercise options are very limited. Unfortunately treadmills are not something that are easily moved up two flights of stairs. So I moved it to a different part of the basement and we agreed that I could go down there for 30 minutes in the evenings, before she heads down there, to use it. I'm trying to stay out of her space, but I haven't exercised in five days and it's really getting to me.

I got a lot of GAL set up for the next four weeks this past weekend. It's all stuff for me. I'm trying to not focus on her, though it's still damn hard not to "look over my shoulder" as Mach so accurately put it. I see nothing stopping her from moving out and no real change there. At it's probably even now in how often I don't want that to change... I sort of want her gone at times.

Lastly my Packers lost today... they deserved it as they played like crap. And, selfishly, I'm glad... now I don't have either an unbeaten season or a Super Bowl win tied to this year.