I just wanted to let you know that I've looked over your old posts and threads. Your sitch is so very very similar to mine. Reading your posts from the past really has helped me. Just getting the validation that you're not crazy, and that this really is a bizarre reality we're thrust into helps so much.
It really is true, maybe time lines are different and some sitches are different scenarios, but they all say the same lines, react the same way, and just keep spinning on out of control no matter what we say or don't say. Do or don't do.
I wanted to say you're an inspiration to me in getting on with your life and moving forward steadily. How you're feeling is how I feel about stbx. However my stbx has not called and opened up as yours has.
I too still love my stbx. Part of me wants him home, but I realize that part of me is still in love with the " good" old husband. Not the alien person he is now. I don't like the alien. The alien makes me very frustrated when he allows the old husband to come out or do a "touch and go" so to speak. It strikes a cord, and touches my heart, and I end up yearing for what was and all the good things I want to believe are to still be inside of him. Maybe the good is still there, it's just very doormant now.
What I learned from this was about my codependency. I too tend to be a rescuer and a helper. When you see them go through this, all you want to do is help, make it better and take the pain away. But I told my stbx 8 months ago, I can't do it for him, he has to do it himself. I've taken this oppurtunity and apply it to other relationships that I have some co dependency on.
I have made friends with a very nice man. I too have now seen that there are nice men out there and that there can be happiness with our without a person. It's ok to go on with your life, and still be a friend with boundaries to xh.
My stbx too acted as if he didn't want me in his life at all, yet he couldn't let go. I really felt as if my job was to sit and be his audience and listen to it all be about him, while my heart and soul was being trampled on.
That's where boundaries and NC worked wonders for me.
