Well today at work I took a little quiz and it turns out I am passive. Not passive-aggressive. I know that this is how I was raised and now see myself acting like my father... (sigh).
I am proud of myself today because a friend told me that WAW is telling everyone she knows that I was abusive to her. (Yes physically and verbally). I am proud because my reaction was not to be defensive, but having one of empathy for her.
If people think that I am abusive, then they really don't know me and aren't really my friends.
It sounds like a lot of the people now have turned on her because of the slander. Oh well, that's the consequences for her actions.
As for me, I have been enjoying playing my new PS3 with the Move controller with my friends. Letting out some frustration by hitting them out of the park. I also have been having a lot of quality time with D. She is growing up so fast!
Saturday, when I dropped her of at daycare, it was the first time she did not cry or have to be distracted. She just smiled at me, waved, and said Bye, Bye Dadda!
That moment was bittersweet because I have been preparing her to get to that point of independence, but when she got there, I felt a little less needed for a moment (and I liked that feeling).
Oh well, life goes on.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Your W's words are so similar to my W's words. Its like they say here in the forums, all our situations are similar yet so unique but they are share the same darn script. My W threw me out of my home and moved in OM shortly afterwards not even asking my kids how they would feel about it. Shes currently not working, dropped out of school and living off the goverment. Anything that my kids might need, I buy it myself. I was throwing allot of $ at her every week and it she was spending it on OM and partying. She thinks that the kids are more than happy with OM living in the house with them. Of course, they tell me a different story.
Ive decided not to stand for this marriage anymore. Happiness is out there to be found. And once you find it, either by yourself or with someone else, the chances of you wanting to return to your spouse are slim and none. At least, thats how I feel about it. My hat goes off to all the members here that have been holding on for some time now. I wish I had half of their courage.
I have now let go and persuing divorce. W seems to be dragging her feet on it. I believe if she really wanted this divorce, it would of happened already. One moment, shes calling me every dirty name in the book. The other moment shes dedicating songs and asking me to buy her teddy bears. Ummm, what does she have her man for???
Keep your head up freind! The pain does go away. And at the end, you will see that Gods plan ALWAYS prevails. We might not see it during our rough journey, but at the end, you will say to yourself "WOW! This is 10 x better than what I had before"
All the best!
BTW, Check out Van Halens new song lol!
Cya
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
My W started a new job and wanted to change our schedule regarding care for our D. I sent an e-mail stating a proposal for days that would work for both of us, which even meant me totally switching my work schedule around.
She called me spewing, saying it wouldn't work, and that she was tailoring her schedule to me! She then said she wanted the same schedule and that she would find daycare for the time that she has conflicts. (No problem here!) I told her that it was just a proposal and I was open to keeping the same schedule.
She then started spewing more.
That is when I finally did something that I never do to anyone because I consider it rude. I hung up! I was sick of hearing it and she wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and it was not productive. I tried to listen but it was negative crap. She knows I hate when people hang up on me, so i am guessing it may have sent a strong message. If it didn't oh well, I only did it so I wouldn't have to endure the spew anymore.
I am proud of myself because hanging up on her was a total 180. I was partially dark due to her seeming to be nice, but now I will go totally dark except for the weekly e-mail regarding schedule with D, and emergencies.
Otherwise, things are going good this week and my D is actually starting to talk more and learning words quick!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Today when picking up the D, the W asks me what I am doing tomorrow because she wanted me to pick up D from daycare and take her to another daycare. She can't because she has to work.
I stated in the last post that I proposed a schedule that would have helped her out of this particular jam, but got reamed out. I am now in the mind set that I will be responsible for D's care on my days (including finding daycare) and W is responsible for her days. I really didn't want it to be this way but her procrastination and "emergencies" are affecting my ability to go to work.
The problem is I feel guilty because I want to help out, but don't want to be reamed out for a proposal and then later on be asked/guilted into adhering to her schedule.
I think I need help with this. Am I being selfish? I just want to have a stabile schedule in my life. Any thoughts?
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I think procrastination in many cases is par for the course. Many being already overwhelmed and looking to escape responsibilities in the first place, as they desperately try to save themselves and find their happiness...
I don't think you are being selfish. I believe that it isn't uncommon in sitches like yours (where parents are finding co-parenting a challenge) to be responsible for separate child care on their days of custody.
I can only suggest that you may approach your W for alternatives to something like what she's asked you to do as you may not always be available to do so, and then offer that you are willing to look into alternatives if your W is unable to come up with anything...
*shrug*
It gives her an opportunity to feel in control, yet gives her an out if she just can't do it...
Mach- No nothing legaling binding, but we have a agreement in writing via e-mail. I am saving for a L currently, but don't have enough to make it legal.
Also if I push for the legal stuff, I best be prepared to go the distance, because she will go for full custody (although she claims that she wants 50/50 split, the state says, no it's 90/10). I want to be able to afford a lawyer to take me to the ninth inning if need be, rather than affording only 3 innings.
I have been pretty accomodating to her "schedules" and now she painted herself into a corner and wants me to help her out. The only problem is that is is refusing what I have to offer. So I guess she will have to be stuck. I am holding up my end of agreements made. I am also prepared in case she decides to not pick up D from daycare tonight because of her bind (she does not know that though).
I guess what I am trying to say is that regarding lawyering up I am playing this about as safe as I can for my own best interests financially at this time. I am also looking out for D as I am making backup plans in case W doesn't follow through.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
The problem is that she IS cake eating. I pick her up for an hour, then W comes and takes her to her place because it is her night. Also my job requires that I work afternoons and evenings because that is the only time I can get families together for sessions. I have already cut my weekly schedule down to 3 nights a week and it can't possibly go down anymore.
I am documenting and I am letting W hang herself, but I am not going to lose my job because of her choices.
I am not trying to punish her by saying no, but I want some consistency on the agreement, otherwise I might as well have D all the time. (which I would love to have, but W would never allow).
I guess I am getting frustrated because she has changed the agreement 3 times in the last month and I have been accomadating, but I need to start looking out for myself and my career too. If I lose my job then the whole family is without insurance, and other benes., not to mention my income.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
You made those adjustments so that both of your work schedules can be taken into consideration. And that her unwillingness to work toward a more permanent schedule would put your employment a risk. And with that , you would be risking your financial stability, health care coverage for you and your Daughter...
And you would like to reach a plausible agreement , so that conflicts of time providing adequate care for your Daughter are avoidable in the future ????
And until that time, you are bound to the current schedule, due to work related obligations.
