Too Little, Too late. 2

[25yearsmlc]

(Hard to post to you with colors b/c you used several and this is the 3rd time, but I'll try once more -just sayin'.....)

you are in a lot of pain but I don't see this as changing the sitch that much. When you are calmer, even you realize she has flaws and she will bore him in time. Don't forget that.

Wait til he's gone and tries to have a conversation with her IF IT GOES THAT WAY but don't obsess.


She is not you and she has flaws so in the long run you don't have much to worry about with THEM? At least not imo...right now she's familiar and that's friendly but she's also "new" and yet friendly...and weak...

This is it. (it's gonna be long, but I really really really need HELP)


I kinda threw out all my DB skills.... I hung up on him so that I wouldn't cry on the phone. He called back later to 'check on me' and I lost it. I never yelled, but I said everything I should have. After a few choice words for her and him, I said: "don't bother inviting me to the wedding." and hung up.


this is you projecting your worst fears out into the universe and letting her hear them. The hardest thing I had to learn was to keep my mouth shut and NOT say anything....period.


I further explained what my next steps would be (moving away) if she pursued this. I got a lot of: ]"why would you leave your kids or take them away from their dad?" "I don't know what I want." "I do think I have feelings for him, but I don't know what they mean."

here^^^ you went into angry punitive threat mode and played into every negative image your h has of you...you must learn to contain your anger b/c it is a big reason you are here. NO offense b/c I don't want to kick you when you are down

but you have to learn to stay calmer and NOT say every angry thing or negative fear you have.

When you make fear based choices you will regret them.



[b]REALLY? ARE YOU F_ING KIDDING ME????? I CAN"T BELIEVE SHE ASKED ME THIS ^^^^^^ QUESTION!!! In my best DB effort, I said: "Yes, that is a tough choice, but please forgive me if I don't have any sympathy for you."


Flash to this morning, I called her (probably shouldn't have). I asked her if she's made her decision because I need to be able to make plans if I will be moving soon.


here ^^^you are giving her all YOUR power. Don't do that. Your life belongs to you. Live it the way you want to live it.



I have accepted my actions that led to the break-down of my M.


okay so how will that^^ realization affect how you choose to act NOW?

I was working on accepting that my H and I would only ever be friends (if we could ever get there again)... now I feel like another bomb has been dropped on me. I am angry with both of them, but betrayed by my friend.

I get that it hurts a lot and she's wishy washy and he's an easy target plus she thinks you mistreated him and in truth that happens more often than most of us realize. My bff here on the street treats her h terribly (so thank God he's not attractve) but yes I've told her this.

She doesn't want to hear me and thinks I'm "just plain wrong" and she does a lot of "showing him the consequences of his actions" -to punish-

which no offense purgatory, but that's how you sound when you threaten to take the boys away. You are putting your anger ahead of all else.

I would not run away but I do think time apart will enable you to Calm down and work on anger management. Can you take anti-anxiety meds so you don't say things you'll later regret or hyperventilate

or fester and obsess? I know where you are now and it's a dark place. But you can get yourself out of it. And only YOU can...



Here's a question: I expressed to H and her that I would like to sit with both of them to talk this over. I'm not sure what my motivation is for this. I really don't want to repeat myself, and I want both of them to hear what I have to say to the other one. My fear is that they will feel attacked and therefore unite against me- pushing them closer together quicker. I feel like I deserve to have my friend look me in the eye and tell me her choices (she's very passive aggressive and will not confront anyone unless over the phone)

Should I talk with them?

NO you will absolutely push them together and unite them and there is no way you are presently able to calmly address them

there is little to zero value in what they would say to you now that you'd believe

and there is such a huge downside to this that I cannot imagine anyone suggesting it. And Why confront them together?

To snoop and catch them in a lie? How would that help anything? What is the goal?

Do NOT do this....


I'm not proud of the fact that I have cried now to both H and her. I showed my weaknesses. I know that I need to be the bigger person and act 'as if', but how do you actually do this when I am filled with so much rage and hurt??

your anger needs to be managed more.

Saying "how can I do this when I am filled with rage and hurt"

You have to realize that holding onto your anger does nothing to THEM.

It's like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.

If I could suggest anything it would be that you focus on GAL and imagining a life without your h but happy.


and see what that would look like. Detail it and envision it and then

begin to create it NOW...

and don't assume the worst of your diagnosis. My sister in law has a "terminal disease" she was diagnosed with in '98 and my bil had a brain tumor diagnosed the same year and lived 10 years with it and worked most of that time at his job.

your symptoms sound like SVT. Is that it? Without info I can't give you a pep talk but I would not stress that your condition made you unable to control yourself b/c you are only promising your h a worsening of that, with the added "bonus" of maybe being an invalid.

No offense, but even the best among us - IF we feel we have been mistreated, over a long period of time, would not want to stick around for that.

You have some factors in your favor if you can remain calmer and show some changes in you.

This will test your changes sorely but then again, why not show him your best NOW?