Too Little, Too late. 2

[25yearsmlc]

Well, I guess I'm in a new category now.....

Had an unpleasant finding about H which led to conversation with him. Long story short: he said he's 'warming up' to the idea of dating. Later in the conversation, I flat out ask him if he has feelings for [my best friend], he says:"that's not a fair question" (as if I don't know what that implies.) After dodging the topic for a few, he admits: "I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about it..." He says he's never talked with her about it nor has he sat with these feelings and really processed them.

I didn't yell. I didn't cry. I didn't pester with questions. (still not sure how I was able to do that)

GOOD!!!

This is my BFF who is like a sister. She is my kids godmother and I am to her 3 kids.


is she married?

How could she be so clueless as to no notice and then continue to let this happen???

let what happen? Your h says he has not told her how he feels...I am not clear on what you thought should have happened if she did not know?
He didn't want to date anyone until just now so how would SHE know he would now?

My H asked that I not blame her or go off on her and I responded with: "Please do not defend or protect her in any way from me, that adds insult to injury."


I feel so sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed, lied to and replaceable.


I know you are hurt and I recognize that sick to your stomach feelings. But you were not exactly betrayed or lied to in this post so am I missing something? And you FEAR being replaced, as we all do...it does not feel good but we all have that fear.

You learn to cope with it and see yourself as uniquely valuable and gifted and become that way so that you KNOW you are not replacable and you radiate that.


If she becomes the OW,I am no competition for her. She is totally 'his type' and she likes to do all the same activities as him (which I reminded him that these were all new hobbies he picked up in the last 2 years, not the same person I met 9 years ago.)


who says you are frozen into staying the same way you have always been? DBing is about changing and growing and evolving...show him you can. She'll never be the mother of his children. Right now he sees none of her flaws or faults...but she has them


I'm not sure what to do here. ---It was hard enough to hear him say that he's ready to start dating... but now to know that it might be *her*. I will never get him back if they start down that path... she is everything that I wasn't in our M.... and the 'old me' is what he's walking away from.

so what is the NEW different Purgatory doing now?

How are you showing him that you are becoming a different better woman?

Don't run away and prove they're right...be a woman only a fool would leave. GAL and do th 180s and your bucket list and be a vibrant fun woman who humbly recognizes her flaws in the m and is not too proud to work on changing into the woman you are inside, and the w he deserves.

I would not take the defeated approach although I would protect myself legally.