25yearsmlc message to peeps

[25yearsmlc]

you are welcome but I don't know for sure if I understand your questions...

Thanks 25 for giving us all hope- in one form or another.

My H is the first type (saw the flaws and walked away). It's only been a month since the bomb, and I'm just coming to grips with it.

Ouch, that's really new. I'll check your thread b/c I don't recall your sitch or if he gave you his complaints before. Regardless, what are you changing, if anything?

I am inspired by your sitch (2 years apart to come back together.... I admire your patience.) I've been plagued lately by thoughts of giving up and letting him have his way... then there's that little voice that keeps telling me to be patient and continue to stand for my M.


There were times I did give up on my m. I did not expect us to make it. I gave us a "10% chance of staying married."

Questions to you: How did you stay patient and hopeful all those years? Or did you give in, and then things came back together?


I was not that patient. As I say above, I did give up hope at times. I didn't lock the door but I closed it in my head and chose to move forward as if we were over but that I and my kids would still be alright. I knew h had a long way to go before I'd look at him seriously but I also knew I had things of my own to improve upon. And I hated my anger. It consumed me and that made MY life and my d's lives NOT good...

A key point here is that I had a d in high school and my number 1 goal was providing stability for her until she was done with school. So my focus was Not on H but on the girls and creating a happy life for myself and them.

I guess that really does attract but that was not the goal, paradoxically.

We had enough money to temporarily pay the bills as we were, so I did not "need" to divorce in that time, although I filed for a sep b/c I feared h would dissipate all our savings to "invest" in his heroes up in the tundra.

So my goal was to not have upheaval in my d's lives til she older one was done with school and that so happened to be 2 years.

Several months before she finished, h began saying things he had learned and making some changes he and I both needed him to make...we took it slowly.

I was not about to exchange my newfound serenity to return to crazyland without some reassurances we were going to be better. We also had a good mc and my DB coach was a Godsend...


(I can relate to your military lifestyle... I am the daughter of a Navy Capt. and I married a Lt., so I've been the daughter who dealt with missing her dad, and now I'm the W who misses her H- but when he goes for a year to Afg.... I'm not his W, and I don't know how to deal with that)

What do you mean you are not his w? You mean you'll be divorced?

My h will be deployed this summer which was unexpected and will be a big drag at this stage of our lives.

When we were both active duty, both of us were surrounded by the opposite sex. We'd have gone nuts if we focussed on that aspect.

So I don't have many fears surrounding the deployment as far as the marriage goes, but of course I have other fears regarding the deployment, and it's going to be a huge financial hit to us...(could be worse though, and I get that.)

Didn't mean to hijack, but you have experience with the special challenges of military life and how those affect marriages and divorces.
Thanks for any suggestions

does this clear anything up for you? Hopefully when I finish this thread it'll be clearer how it transpired though it is not completely clear to me. It was also not that linear.

I'll try to check your thread soon