I don't know where else to post this but thought that I needed to post these two pieces somewhere on this thread, before I close with the last chapters.
So for now, here are two things I pose to you for your thoughts... "Seeing" Our Spouse
There comes a time in every marriage when each spouse sees the other in stark reality. No cover up, or make up. Just clarity, without the passion of the "new", and each sees the other totally naked, with all their flaws, weaknesses, qualities, mistakes, strengths, quirks, warts and all. And in that moment they make a choice.
They may reject their spouse as simply too flawed. No faults of weight or significance are allowed, maybe a few minor ones. Those spouses leave the m.
Others choose to stay, BUT only to make the other one cave in to their will, they nag, cajole, undermine, criticize, to "be proven RIGHT," vindicated…which actually never happens so they are never content,
until one of them finally dies...
Some spouses choose to stay BUT they still see all the flaws in their spouse and change nothing within; they sigh or snicker at comments the spouse makes, they roll their eyes in the long suffering manner of the martyrs they see themselves as. Neither is happy.
And then, there are others.
There are those who see the realities of their spouse, along with their own many faults in stark light too. Somehow they see it all and yet, still, they choose to stay and to love.
They choose to focus on the good, and to compliment it, and strongly favor it.
As for the bad, and the not so good, they learn to compensate, overlook, accept, or work around....they try hard reach their goal; i.e., to see their spouses as God sees them. Through His eyes...
No, I don't think this means we accept what is truly UNacceptable. God did not put us here to make us miserable. We are not here to be doormats.
But it seems a goal of marital love probably is to learn to see someone for all of who they really are, including their histories and pain, through His eyes. That does not always mean one stays married to a spouse. But it sure helps whether you stay together or not. And I certainly don't think we'll be able to do this 24/7. Not by a long shot.
And while it may lead to the couple fully bonding; heart mind body and soul, there will always be a separateness for we are two individuals. We are not physically bonded like Siamese twins.
We're not identical (only twins are). We are different. And that's okay.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
