So sorry you are going through this - but things WILL get better for you. It's incredibly hard and intolerably painful at times, but you can get through it.
I've felt just like you and sometimes I still do (5 months since BD), but sometimes I feel much better and stronger.
I think you're right about his fear of making contact - my H told me recently that it's too painful for him to be with us as a family.
I could have read this as a good sign (he misses us) or a bad sign (he wants to cut ties with me) but I decided that trying to mind-read was less productive than getting on with life and making sure that I didn't come across as needy or sad or imply that my happiness in life was dependent on what he did.
Because neediness, unhappiness and dependence are the signs that will drive our Hs further away from us.
So do the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, and find ways to endure the pain. You'll emerge a better person for the experience and, as an additional bonus (!), your H might notice your changes.
Hope this doesn't sound flippant, I'm seriously on your side, but I want you to know that I've felt just like you do now, and things do get better.
