Actually, I mistyped. I had meant to say, "... you do not want your W to [b]think that you are happier ..."[/b]
I definitely understand that you currently feel and expect to feel for an indefinite period of time, less happy without her.
As you once again affirm to her that you are not happier without her, she will have a choice... to be drawn back onto the emotional roller coaster, or to keep herself off the emotional roller coaster...
Do you really want to push that choice on her? Do you think she would be attracted to someone who is miserable because they're pining for someone? Or do you think she would be attracted to someone who is happy and enjoying life?
such great posts to you Crimson...
I think your wife may feel you are happier but how do you know that?
And why is that all bad?
If my h and I had divorced in his MLC, and he was still miserable today, I would Not find that attractive, nor would I feel vindictated.
I'd think "still? Why hasn't he learned anything yet?"
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It's mandatory that you create and embrace happiness in your future no matter what she does. KNOW THIS is a strength, not a weakness in you.
----------------------- For her to read the letter without a critical eye, means it must be given without request or expecatation from you, and she MUST get that crystal clearly from you...
you are responding to her request and at most a gentle reminder would do--and please put zero blame on her. That would be like blaming your parents for how you took their words and manifested them in your m. That was not their intent...and all you were saying in your earlier posts does not negate her role. But why would YOU point it out?
It's one thing to apportion blame (DO NOT!!!) but it's another to simply own your role in YOUR behavior. Only address that and assume that she will, in time assess her own flaws. (If not, then she's not the loss you fear she is.) In any case, you reviewing and owing YOUR stuff, does nothing to absolve her of flaws or makes her perfect.
stay in your sandbox and work on YOUR stuff...and leave her in hers to do her work ------------ Best case scenario is that she's open to thinking things MIGHT someday better for you two...
which means different. So your efforts, written or verbal or by action (or all)
have to show CHANGE in you.
I do wish you could express yourself verbally to her and have zero fear of argument or escalation. Take a pill if you have to.
Seriously, I would KNOW that nothing my h could say at that moment would escalate things, and there have been times in our marriage when I was capable of that. This is one of those times for you, imo.
If she rails and rants and goes bonkers on you, then you apologize for upsetting her and you leave....it's low risk of deterioration if you have your armor on, which does not mean your heart is closed.
but I think for now I hope I am just going to hope you can find some peace today.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
