Crimson, there's a reason why that quote Mach1 made above is so important...
Originally Posted By: Crimson
Don't want to forget to say something or say the WRONG thing, or come across as desperate or pleading. I know that I am not, but I fear that I am for some reason. I guess I am also fearful that I let her know all of this and then she will tell me to get lost - she doesn't believe me and it's too late.
I, and many others here, have written some of their best, from the heart, succinct and loving letters to their spouses.
I have not seen a single one of those letters abruptly nor obviously change the course of their spouse. And in many cases, it pushes the spouse further away.
Why? It appears because... wait for it... wait...
We cannot control how our spouses interpret our words. They are coming from a different emotional place than we are, so much of what we write appears to them as either finger and blame pointing, or comes across needy, or is simply uncomfortable for them to hear.
Yes, your W said words that appeared to have opened this door for you. Are you clear... are you 100% clear, that she has asked you to write a heart felt letter letting her know exactly the things you did wrong and how you understand she is hurt, and how much family and her mean to you...
Or did she ask you to let her know what you said to your parents...
Or... was she just reacting in a knee jerk manner and challenging you in the moment or even just saying something that was interpreted differently than she meant...??
It is OK to spend the time and effort to put down to paper everything you have. If it is helpful for you, that is fantastic. And at this time, are you absolutely, 100% sure that she has not already forgotten she asked you for that? And she absolutely, 100% is now in a place to be receptive to it?
I also think this little gem is really, really important to highlight:
Originally Posted By: Crimson
... convinced me to write her a letter asking her to "go with me" (common dating parlance in the early 80's). ... it somehow made her physically ill and she had to go to the nurse's office. Of course, all of this happened in front of the entire class - giving me my first lesson in embarrassment. I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there until summer break!
I understand you may have made this comment in a slight, tongue in cheek moment.
Think about this, though... you remember vividly, that moment... that event... and there's no doubt at that moment, it was very traumatic for you... that whole experience likely was...
How has your life and that experience shown up in your life, possibly many times over, and how it is very likely influencing what you are doing, right now, with this letter...
If only you had not written that letter, or...
If you and only written that letter better, or...
well, you get that idea...
Still wondering why you're in analysis paralysis?
Words are easily misinterpreted... actions rarely are... actions may be confusing, but rarely misinterpreted...
