Thank you so much for your responses. Your comments are really hitting home. This weekend as I was posting on this site I found myself reading more and more about MLC again. Something I had not done in almost a year and a half!!! Some of it was confusing me. There are those, as you know, that feel you hang on and fight for your X even after the divorce. That messes with my head.
But I do know I am getting sucked back into the vortex. And the funny thing is I don't think I want him back. I say "think" because my head says no but my actions seem to represent something else. Interesting, as you were saying beatrice, I have found my anxiety and depression rearing its ugly head since his reappearance. And my head is in a spin.
I am a rescuer and am one who is always helping out the underdog. Maybe because I have felt like an underdog at times and appreciate when someone helps me out. I was raised in a very religious home where you were taught that others were more important. I won't go into all of that but will just say my codependence runs deep.
25years.......my daughter is 13 and has never cried once about any of this. My XH worked A LOT. So they weren't very close. The D has actually pushed them to be closer to each other.
And you also asked what I was wanting. My XH has been so angry with me since before he left me even though he would send me texts saying he would always love me. Then out of the blue he is wanting to be around, texting how wonderful I am and saying how desperately he needs help. As I stated earlier.......I have never been here before. My fear was I could actually make him worse by things I said. At times he has "seemed" suicidal. So I was looking for help. I know people on this site have seen it all.
Would part of me like my XH back.......I think so. But as I keep stating, I have been around men that make me realize I could have a whole new life. Most people don't get the chance to start over again. Many of my gfs are jealous of my situation since they are in unhappy marriages!
I need to go back to putting the emphasis back on me!!! I hear all of you saying that loud and clear!! And I appreciate you getting me to reaffirm my commitment to myself!!! Thank you so much!!
