I hear you about noticing the small steps. I'm choosing to take the fact that yesterday's discussion with my wife didnt have any real ARGUING or more notably 'hostile bait' - even though it WAS about a divorce settlement - as a good step.
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
I took my W to the Patriots game tonight and we kicked the Broncos behinds. We left early to meet some friends for tailgating. On the ride there my W started telling me the number of breakthroughs she has had through the psychiatrist and her own hard work.
She explained to me in great detail how the OM is not an affair and why I shouldn't even think the OM is even an OM. I listened, I asked the hard questions, I asked her why I shouldn't kick his a$$, etc. She explained it all and I must say I was quite comforted and amazingly I don't think there's an A sitch. She explained how her lifelong detrimental habits lead to handle this and other sitched involving male friends so incorrectly that it would lead to these types of misunderstandings. She also one at length about how these same lifelong issues would prevent her from giving me the trust I deserved. All in all an amazing discussion and one we could have never had in the past, ever.
So we get to the stadium about two hours before kickoff and we can't find our friends so we sit in the car and drink beer just like we did when we were kids. We have this amazing discussion about her breakthroughs, how the bomb made us both so much stronger, how we can now talk about anything, and how we are communicating the best we ever have. She admits to me the number of lifelong hangups she has had and how hard that made things for me. I explain to her how through this I have seen my hangups and have figured out where I really needed improvement and have made that happen.
She says she still has a long way to go and maybe we can work this out where before she really thought our M was dead. I tell her I still stand by what I said which is she has whatever time she needs and that she has my full support. I tell her that I respect the strength it has taken her to face this headon and how strong she has been and what she risked to do this. I tell her much I respect what she has done and how much I admire her for it.
So we go to the game, have an amazingly fun time, win by 35 points, and I find twenty bucks on the ground on the way out.
So, I just keep seeing step after step in the right direction for us as individuals, and poss in our M. We are still in separate rooms but I can see why she needs her own space while this goes on. Amazing strides have been made from such an incredibly awful place. I'm hopeful but will not forget the spiritual depth of the changes I've made, nor forget the DB principles.
... unexpectedly showed up so it was a gun celebration.
I'm not letting the small moments get by me anymore. I'm detached yet willing to fully enjoy what good comes my way....and in every ditch I'm thinking how can I contribute to the ...
I'm lyin in the ditch here from those gun celebrations... hardly catch my breath. lololol...!!!
Great story rick89. I was thinking this morning of all the stupid things I might have done in my sitch had I followed what others were telling me. Get a divorce, dump him, get over it...
I have grown so much over this time and could have made some very costly mistakes. Instead I, like you and many others on this board, have chosen to use these experiences to better myself.
You know, down in the hills of Appalachia, we have many gun celebrations in ditches.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks for reminding us that there can be a light at the end of the DB tunnel.
I hope things continue to go up for you
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
