Hi, hmmm well why in the world would anyone try and have an important conversation via TM? I know you don't see him much but honestly it is a bit ridiculous. What could you possibly achieve? This is a bit of a gentle 2 x 4 here

Now if your h is having a type of MLC then r talk is no manner of good anyway. Do you feel better and clearer for having this exchange? Do you think he does? it is a cheeseless tunnel

What I think they want is to be emotionally connected to someone, and they don't know how. Like a deaf person trying to hear music, perhaps. They are sort of dying inside because they can't make the connection, and I think the addictive behaviours including OP are very much a part of trying to fill this gap. I am not excusing this, but trying to understand the dynamic, rather than the particular behaviour.

I see a very lost man, someone who is detached from his emotions, trying to do the right thing. Trying to be good to you, and feel OK about himself, including the fact that he isn't being the husband you want. He is a career addict maybe, but he is providing for you. Something which I have pointed out, most MLCers do not give two straws about.

This is not to guilt you out - it is hard dealing with this for years and years. He may never sort himself out, but I do think if anything is going to change it has got to be you making some decisions, not in reaction to your h and the way he is, and trying to change that but rather focused on what is good for you and what will make you happy.

Happy people are awfully attractive, and have a nice time. So please quit trying to talk your h out of this. Change yourself, get as much therapy and other help as you need to move onwards. You do not have to shut the door. Buy an apartment, invite your h to come and stay if he wants to, but live your own life, not his.

Being Me, I know you have had cancer, and so have I but we have to get on with life, and not sit there waiting for things to happen. You have great patience, which is a virtue bt it can tip into passivity. Our real problems often come from our overplaying our strengths you know. So kind helpful easily become enablers . . . and so on.