Together since we were 15...Part 2

[Jenna333]

He's here, about to take the kids to the park. He noticed the stamp on my wrist and asked me how much I spent last night. I mentioned that I didn't pay for any drinks and he went off about how it's BS that girls get free drinks and won't talk to any guys unless they buy them drinks. He then apologized and said he's hating on girls right now. I laughed out loud and told him it serves him right that his little texting girlfriends aren't working out. Ugh. We just cannot talk to each other! He said he's curious about my personal life, but he knows he needs to quit asking about it. He asked if I got a new ring and I held up my hands, showing the same ring I always wear. I joked that I got engaged (I figured that's why he asked about a ring) and he said that would just complete his sucky life.

Just so much verbal garbage He made wounded comments about me making out with guys and getting numbers (did not do those things, but it's not his business so I'm not confirming nor denying, kwim?). He said its weird that I'm drinking at all, because I didn't before. I said I took 2 shots and that's all I had all night. He said, "You took shots?! Who the hell are you?!" I would never take shots before. He said we shouldn't hook up with each other anymore (he looked sad), and I told him we already agreed on that last week.

Oh man. He just got the kids in the car and came back in to ask me a question. He was crying. He asked why I never took care of him while we were together He may be acting like a selfish jerk through all of this, but he of course has valid feelings and concerns, just as I do. I told him that I didn't take care of myself, so I wasn't capable of taking care of him. He asked why I didn't want to try. I told him I did, but I didn't know how. I was so enmeshed in the hole I dug myself that I saw no light. I told him that I've learned so much about myself and how to treat others in the past 5 weeks. He looked devastated. I apologized for not taking care of him, and I meant it. When we saying 'taking care of...', we mean doing things that all spouses should do for each other. Cook for them, listen to them, think about their wants/needs just as you think of your own, etc. I neglected him. Now, he lied to me often and killed my trust in him, and that really messed me up emotionally. He knows that. He was good with the taking care of me part when it came to cooking, listening, etc.

All we can do is learn from the mistakes that we've made and move on.

I dug through the bins in the garage today to find my diary from when he left me the first time, 7 years ago when I was 17 and our daughter was a newborn. I think I threw my diaries out years ago, but I found my poetry book. That is one way I processed after he left me the first time. I wrote poems. I sat on the garage floor with the book and cried my eyes out. One of the poems included things I didn't understand. The most important one was how a person can continue to lie to the person they care about That hit me so hard. 7 years later and he left me again. He never stopped lying.