Thank you, this is place full of wonderful people. In answer to some of the above.

H complaints. I see now that I've been very condescending, putting her down a lot, and haven't paid attention to building her up. I thought things were fine BUT now I see how continually I had been getting frustrated and angry with her over how I expected her to be involved in things, or see her not do things for her own benefit multiple times, then we'd argue, then I'd end up calling her names like idiot and stupid. Usually it was about something that I thought would be for her own good, like getting the kids to do something for her instead of her doing stuff for everyone, or doing an activity that would be good for both of us. Looking at it now I'm really embarrassed about my response and the way I handled it. I can see now that I was destroying her self esteem. We still did things like go out to dinner and do things with the kids so she's never been hostile or pushed me away.

M complaints. She lets everyone walk over her and won't ask for help. Doesn't have any close female friends, pushes them away. She's always been emotionally responsive but not very proactive.

If she hasn't had PA will I think she's lying? Probably, although I have conflicting thoughts. She hasn't looked for excuses to get away or have time to herself, and I can't recall any time we were suspiciously apart. We work similar hours and I from home a lot. Although she has been saying that I get time to do what I want and the photos were in a week where I was away. The SL has been good. Looking back though a few months she shaved below out of the blue, then recently had a skin problem medically treated and has recently been shopping online for lingerie, all of this with my involvement.

Being a friend: yes very aware and not pushing myself on her. We are spending friend time together, even now. This is really tough but even if it's heading to breakup I'm going to let her see that Michelle is right about turning me into the best H I can be.

M Fear - that I won't be hearing the truth and it will become acrimonious.
W Fear - same thing I want to be sure I'm hearing the truth, otherwise regaining trust will be hard.

Bomb - she has said after the big argument things like, "I don't know if I want to be with you" "I wonder if got married too young" "sometimes I think it would be better if I were living by myself" I just now accidently discovered that she's been to the government 'divorce' website and clicked through a lot of links.

GAL:had a hunt around, didn't see this one, what is it?
180's: I'm complimenting her, treating her like a friend, being very careful not to put her down. In a teary moment during our walk the other day she asked me in tears why I couldn't have been like this before.

Snooping: Yes I told her and I told her why. She didn't go off her nut be she seemed disappointed but also a bit 'caught out' at deleting all the sms'. BTW they stopped for two days but yesterday there was an sms on her phone that hadn't been deleted and was very 'work like' and she left her phone lying around for me to find. I'm just going to ignore that for now.

Forgive PA: I don't know, possibly, the trust is going to be difficult. The fear of being alone comes into play here as well, I'm not really the playboy pickup type but I could see myself having a crack at a dating site in the future. But I am still in love,so it's hard. Plus to OG is married, so she can't just run off to him. If he was single she might, so again trust is hard.

I'm having problems with ordering internationally with my card, I'll get a trusted friend to try for me later today.

Thanks again, this is an amazing place. Just to know that someone has listened is an incredible help.