Where to next?

[mishka422]

OT, I did stop smoking thanks to the vicious illness I've been battling. I had been cutting back gradually but this finally just stopped me cold turkey and I couldn't be happier!

I'm using the saved money on groceries. For heavens sakes, I haven't been able to get much more than top ramen (ewwww and SO not healthy) and eggs. Thankfully, the eggs are pretty healthy from a protein standpoint, not so much on the cholesterol with as often as we have been eating them. I've gotten pretty expert at separating eggs though so I put one whole egg with two whites to cut the cholesterol and keep the protein.

As far as doing for others, I haven't been able to for the last week because I've been so sick and it has felt horrible. While I have been in the bed I've been relying on Gabe and Marc to do everything. The house now looks even more like vagrants have been occupying it. It's going to take me a while to get it put back together and cleaned up but I won't say anything about it. They have been making sure I get the meds and stuff I need so that's most important.

I made a massive mistake this morning and now I'm finding that this R is on borrowed time. Gabe went out to pick up breakfast since we were out of food completely. I told him exactly what I wanted. When he came back the restaurant had put sausage instead of bacon and the hashbrowns were totally not right (yes people, it was horribly unhealthy...it was waffle house, I'll admit it right now but after a week of broth I was finally hungry for something that would stick to my ribs...and my thighs apparently). I told him what they had done. Not my best move. I should have just shut up and been satisfied that he went out to get it when I asked. I didn't say it like I was accusing and criticizing him, I made sure that I said that they had done it wrong so that he would know and not go to that one again. He only heard it as criticism of him and blew up. He wouldn't talk to me at all. Considering that I still have no real voice and have to whisper I couldn't tell him I was sorry so I texted it to him. He didn't answer me by text or by voice. He was in the next room.

I could see it in his eyes. He's got those vibes coming off of him that I saw before the bomb. Passive aggressive, silent treatment, caving himself in, and then jumping on the phone texting his fingers numb with someone.

So people, I think I'm looking at a little over a month until he finds someone to leave me for. I think he probably already has someone he can leave me for but he has to wait until after his dad comes to visit next month.

Sigh.