A lot to think about, Val. I think that your decision in the matter should be rooted in what's healthy for YOU. It sounds like keeping in contact with your W is tearing you apart and causing you to feel sh!tty. In that case, perhaps you should consider cutting the cord.
Just because you do that, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are forever destroying the hopes of rekindling the fire. It just means that you are doing the best thing for yourself in the midst of these conditions, and you are allowing both you & your W to tend to your own lives without the need of each other (which is healthy).
I know that in my sitch, I very early on made the decision to keep my W out of my life except in the case of emergency or strictly-business matters. And, like yourself in the case of FB, my stress has gone way down as a result. It much easier to detach if you go dark, allowing you to build yourself up, redefine your identity apart from your W, and focus on GAL and having fun.
I don't want to mind-read, but it sure sounds like your W wants to keep you in her life somehow. Is this rooted in love (W is thinking of coming back) or fear (W wants to keep control)? Right now, it can't be answered by anybody except your W, and maybe even she doesn't know.
In any case, your W is a big girl, and she chose the status quo. If you choose to keep her out of your life, that is a consequence of your W's actions, and she'll have to contend with it. She may not like it, and she'll probably give you blue he!! about it, but she will eventually learn to respect this new boundary as long as you stick to it.
Give your decision time. Search your soul. I know that you'll come up with the right answer in time. (And get some rest, too! Rest is crucial to the DB process!)
