Maybe I shouldn't have said what stage I thought he is in. It really doesn't matter since what I am actually concerned with is what to do. No matter what stage it seems to me that the advice all of you are saying is the same. Be kind to him but keep boundaries. (I liked the idea of having responses ready for his comments) Don't go back to the old me who at the beginning tried to fix him. And go on with my life while protecting myself! No matter what he still has more to go through which I completely understand.
I have a GF who has gone from man to man since her divorce and has not spent a minute working on herself. She is terrified to be alone. I found I had to be alone to heal. Maybe everyone doesn't have to do that but I feel they do and I told my XH the same thing. I still at times have to embrace the fear and loneliness to know I am OK and love me right where I am.
Snodderly I think you are right about wanting me back. My friends and family continually tell me the same thing. But the things he is saying seem to come from a true place of pain. Do I think he is hoping that by telling me his realizations he thinks it will win me back.......very possible! Within a year of him leaving and me moving on he told me he wished he had never moved out and things have been out of control every since. Honestly, I think he wants me back yet is terrified of trying to get too close to me.....that would take being very vulnerable.
Good news is I understand the work he has to do!!! Been there! I have told him several times lately that he will never feel loved until he finally loves himself. Something I had to do! I have also been around mature men that know how to treat a woman! Very attractive! I know what I want now and don't want to settle for less. I would rather be alone!
I have to tell you.....even posting here brought back some negative feelings. It reminded me of my desperate search to find help in the whirlwind drama I found myself. I was in such a bad place back then and would have done anything to stop the madness. I don't want to go back into the drama......yet as I keep saying I don't want to be a part of the problem.
