It sounds like you have a healthy attitude, although I would pick on one statement above.
There's a saying that goes around from time to time: "Cheaters lie and liars cheat."
You've indicated that you hope your W says she had a PA, because then you'll know she's being truthful.
So... if she doesn't say she's had a PA, will you think she's lying?
As per your questions:
+ Get Divorce Remedy (DR) as it is the more current book and reads more like a workbook on key focus point. Others recommend 5 Love Languages (not by MWD, but apparently an acceptable recommendation regarding the TOS here).
+ Be careful to move towards her, it is seen as pursuing and she may feel pressured. Rather, be keen to recognize signs that she wants to be with you and spend 1-1 time with you. Listen to her, validate her feelings when she is speaking. Just be a really, really good friend to her.
+ While you're post appeared very level headed, there is no doubt you are going through the emotions. You might go through all the stages, you might only go through some of them. It really depends. It depends on where your M goes from here and that depends on YOU and your W and the work put into making it better.
+ I didn't read above anything that might suggest your M can't work out. Perhaps you've left out some extreme stuff. When your W admitted to feeling like a WAW, do you feel she really is out the door? Do you feel that she is really only putting on a "nice" act as part of her exit strategy? We certainly recommend preparing for the worst. Although until more info comes along, I'm not sure it's a good idea to start separating finances, moving out, or retaining a L. If your W hasn't said D or L, it could be too early.
That was a great introductory post, and it's time to really let some of the "bad" stuff, out...
What are you most fearing regarding your M?
What are you most fearing regarding your W?
You found indicators of an EA, but you haven't really received "the bomb" at this time. No "ILYBINILWY" or "we married for the wrong reasons" or "you are the reason our M is going to fail" or "I want a D"... etc...
Or have you...?
What are some of your W's complaints about you?
What are some of your complaints about your W?
If you've not read the DR book, but have been reading this site... you are likely familiar with 180s and GAL...
