Thanks Accuray - I agree with everything you are saying...my gut tells me there is some sort of affair or infidelity in this situation and my gut hasn't been wrong in this situation yet. I don't even really care to know the details of whats gone on, I think its the capability of living such a lie is what is so devastating.
I feel at times that it started as a flirtatious thing and if it didn't get physical it was close and i think he got in over his head and in an effort to avoid drama (by lying to me about what city he was in in order to avoid conflict) he actually created a sh*t storm of it and doesn't know what to do. i feel he is so far in he doesn't know how to fix anything - but i also think he isn't thinking rationally at the moment so doesn't see it yet.
GWN - H is a huge conflict avoider as well. Always says he just wants to live a simple life and doesn't want drama....well look where he is now. We have kept our past separate for the most part but I have been learning a lot from his mother of all people. She agrees that he is lying about something and he's even closed up with her about the whole situation.....telling her about it at the beginning when the bomb dropped but then closing right up. She tells me of other examples of him running away when faced with issues and consequence. I just feel you can't run away forever....you have to come to a point in your grown up life that you have to face real and serious consequences.
Interestingly enough she also tells me his father pulled a similar thing to her in their 30's - she referenced a MLC and said his father said the same words....ILYBNILWY, dont know if i want to be with you, just not happy. She tells me it took them 9 years to be OK again. I wonder what effect that had on H. She said the kids never knew there were problems but doing the math he was 10 or 11 when it started and it went on til he was in his late teens....he knew what was up.
I am trying my hardest to back off and give him his space to sort himself out. I know this is a situation I have little to no control over (which i struggle with because i like to be in control). I have even told his mother, who i probably would talk to every second day, that i need to take a step back and a break from all this mess and start piecing my old life back together and looking at what my new life will look like.
DB came in the mail yesterday so I have lots of reading to do this weekend!
Talk soon thanks for the love and support - it's very comforting getting all of this out in the open with people who understand and live similar situations.
