Hi, we are none of us perfect here - and most of us are blundering about doing the best we can in difficult circumstances.
First off, well done in getting out there and dating.
I can understand your confusion and hurt at your xh calling you. How can we be married to someone for a long time, see a terrible change in them, and then apparently see them start to recognise it? I believe it would throw most of us.
It sounds as if your xh could be waking up, or it could be a 'touch and go' which is a reassurance that although their journey isn't over, they still want to check that their ex spouse is still there.
Also you are dating someone. Now dating isn't 100% commitment, but you like him and this guy has feelings. I am never sure quite what people mean by dating. There is a world of difference between someone you see fairly regularly and may or mat not have a more intimate r with, and a r which is pretty committed, and which is on the road to marriage. But whatever level of commitment is there, he is somewhat, or a lot in your life. This makes a difference
Overall i tend to agree with most others have said. Continue to live your life, work on yourself and deal with your anger.
I think we need to acknowledge and deal with very understandable anger that we have been very badly treated, lied to and cheated on by someone we loved, and who had made promises to us. The letting it go and forgiving is hard. If someone has done something terrible, it is not a question of trivialising what they did - but recognising that it is a lot to get past. And still getting beyond it. I wold suggest that anyone who tells you this is easy hasn't actually done it!
Finally your xh. Friendship with boundaries is OK. He needs to recognise that these are his issues, and cannot dump them on you. You have yours and he has his.
Why not work on friendship, and tell him honestly at this stage that is all you can deal with, and get to know each other again? I only know one divorced couple who are really friends, but they are, and good ones.
