Most Likely Youngster Goes His Way (& W Goes Hers)

[Valeska19]

West,
You've been on my mind for the past few days. I've been hesitant to post as I'm in a bit of a funk...

.... but here we go.

First, 25 makes alot of good points. ALOT.

Maybe she wouldn't have gone on a tangent about your w had she known about your OCD.. but even so.... I think that post was good and pretty dead on.

Yes.. it may make sense that she did those things to you seeing that you did them first.

But I can't buy that it's acceptable or makes it right. If your actions truly hurt you wife.. she had a choice to make.. and she made it - treat as you are treated.

I get it. My dad is abusive to my mom. My middle sister and I became people who were abused. My eldest sister - became an abuser.

.. so I understand why she chose that path. But hopefully she (and you) will understand that one choses his own path. Just as my sister chose to be an abuser.. I chose to be abused.

It is up to us as individuals to break the cycle. To stand on our feet and realize that what was doesn't have to be anymore.


I'm not sure of the point 25 is getting you to understand (sorry - day 8 of 15 hrs days).. but here is what you COULD take from it all.

By understanding how you contributed and why she acted that way about OM, you are opening up the door to forgiveness and healing.

For example: I'm on my 3rd day w/o coffee. I'm very cranky and find myself on edge... insanely.

I find myself struggling not to take it out on my best friend. (btw - I'm failing miserably at it).

As I was fuming in the car.. I realized that this must be what it felt like when my w started giving up all of those foods in her 12 step program.

And although it didn't make it RIGHT that she took it out on me constantly.. I finally understood how that was possible.....

..... and in the moment... I forgave my w for treating me like crap when it came to that issue.

I guess my point is to just push yourself to be more understanding.

Understanding and accepting doesn't make what your w said about OM right. It just opens your heart to to forgive her. It protects your heart from getting angry and bitter.

And I feel it isn't until those moments of forgiveness and true acceptance come.. we can truly love ourselves and others.