Thank you so much for your response. I think I might have given the wrong impression. I have dated and met some wonderful men. In fact I am dating a wonderful man right now. And when I am around him I realize I could have a relationship I have always wanted. So while part of me would love to have my family back together (if he were to get help) another part wants to start new with someone else!
And through this process I feel I have grown quite a bit. I feel learning about yourself when you go through such a process is almost certain unless maybe you are a narcissist. This has been hell and I wanted to gain something from this experience. I had to grieve over the mistakes I had made and pray that in the future I will not do the same. I know I still have more growth and have been working with a T the entire time.
And my XH has just started seeing someone. And I know he definitely is not in a place to be in a relationship. He needs to heal!
I am very codependent (something I am working on) and maybe that is what is coming out in me now. As I watch him in his misery I believe he does not want to be there. I don't think he ever wanted to be there but hasn't known the way out......he was in pain and tried women, partying, buying and blaming to make himself feel better. None of it worked. He is reaching out now for help. And I do believe he loves me in his own dysfunctional way.
He reminds me of a scared child and the part of me that loves him wants to help him out of the quagmire he has gotten into. I don't want to rescue him.....I don't even know how. But I also don't want to do things that could hurt his growth. He seems so vulnerable.
I don't know if this makes any sense!!! I am not sure I completely understand. I have never been here before.
