Wow! I wrote my first and only topic on this website 2 years ago. I have now been divorced 7 months and it has been crazy. He would not divorce me but would not come back. I had to push the divorce even though I did not want it. But I needed to since all through this he has been mean and depressed. He also has had OWomen. Once I found out about the first OW which was about a year and a half after he left I began dating. When he found out he had me followed and just about went crazy. I think he thought I was going to wait around until he figured out what he wanted.
This is my issue. Now my X is coming around. He tells me he now realizes how much I really did love him and how miserable he is. He is truly a mess and knows he needs help. He said he is going to counseling and texts me every few days about how he never appreciated me but that he always loved me and always will. He has texted these type of messages throughout the past two years but now they are much more consistent and he has even called to tell me.
so the pursuit is not new but more often? And what kind of life have you created for yourself in the meantime?
How has HE changed since the divorce
Whats different about YOU and how you interact now?
I feel like he is in the Acceptance stage and I don't know what to do.
why must you Do anything? isn't it up to him to decide what he wants and you decide what you want and IF those two wants are reconcilable? IF they are, you would explore the possibility of piecing together, slowly.
He seems almost childlike and is looking to me for help and love and support. Today he texted that he will never find anyone to replace me. so is he desparate? Do you find that attractive?
I then texted back.....its sad you even wanted to replace me.
why did you say this?
He then went back into defense mode and said I made mistakes in the marriage!
You both sound as if you will repeat old behaviors if you are together b/c it is a lot like you used to handle things, isn't it? Maybe you are not a great match at this point. You both lack tools for making it work but that means you did not get them while married OR after...
have you seen a T or IC since all this happened? May I assume he has not?
IF not, why would things be better now than before?
Its like he wants me yet doesn't know what he wants or is extremely afraid to be vulnerable. i think my family and friends would kill me if I ever even considered taking him back after some of the things he has done and said. (He is textbook MLC). Yet I don't want to say or do anything to harm him if he is trying to come out of this. A part of me still loves him very much!
If anyone can offer advise I would deeply appreciate it!!!!
I feel that it is crystal clear you both need to change and do a lot more work on yourselves.
IF the time comes when your family sees you in a new light, in which you have become content as a woman, inwardly and outwardly, and you are happy and at peace
and they then see your x h in a place of growth and change, (which is he is not anywhere near yet, b/c he sent out a probe to you, and the minute you made it a tiny bit hard for him, he attacked...) the ultimate question is--- how would marriage to you now be better or different?
And how would marriage to HIm be better of different?
Doesn't it seem that you'd be reverting to old habits fast - given how quickly you challenged him (to make it harder on him) and then he reverted?
It's a dance you both still do. Learn a new one.
But if your family did see real growth and change on both sides,
imo, most people would be glad to see redemption and forgiveness and would feel compassion.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
