Separated But Living Under the Same Roof

[2thepoint]

"I know, you are wired differently, but here's my theory about that......when God created man, He looked at Adam and shook His head and thought to Himself, "I know I can beat that any day of the week!" So then, God created woman!"

First off, that is pretty damn funny! I guess that is where the saying "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" came from.

I appreciate the time and thoughtful effort you put into posting on this and other threads. I try to do the same. In the case of my previous post, it was not my intent to shift the blame away from the H. Instead I was just pointing out that men (me for example) seem to get caught off guard when the bomb finally drops on their heads.

"...If women try to incorporate the action, then they are often criticized of trying to wear the pants in the M.....being bossy,....leading the man around by his nose.....and the most popular--trying to control.....(the list is endless). But if women try to express their feelings by words, then those words are most often referred to as nagging. So try to realize how frustrating and hopeless that feels for the wife. Just b/c men choose not to listen, doesn't make it right."

Trust me, I get it! They're done when they are done communicating their needs and concerns and we aren't hearing or listening to them.

I just think that in some cases... (ok I'll use my sitch as the example because I can't speak for everyone) My W never came out and said she was unhappy in our M. She would just bring up little things here and there. But the way she brought them up was not in a proactive way or in a way that "I" would have understood to mean that our M was in trouble. I placed quotation marks around "I" because my W knows me for 20 years and knows how to reach me if she needed to.

In my case, I really did not have any idea that my W was SO UNHAPPY that she was ready to bolt the M. What I felt she did was pussy foot around her unhappiness. Oh, and BTW she is having an A that has been going on for at least 1 year and I truly believe it took her that long to say she was done because the A was heating up and she had to overcome a moral hurdle, and that took considerable time.

Heck, I wasn't particularly happy either but I was not going to jump ship. And if I was close, I would have definitely said something to my W about seeking help before I announced I was done.

I just feel like if my W had come out and said, "I've been telling you for X amount of time that there are things about our R that I am not happy with. And, if we don't do something to work through this, I may end up leaving the M." Had she said that I would have paid attention. There is no doubt in my mind!

So, there's my explanation. I hope it helps to clarify my position. I'd be happy to address any other points you feel are appropriate.