Harrier: This is a wise thing to remember. I have always felt convinced that I have had OCD because it is the only disorder that seems to fit my symptoms. I read many books & articles about the disorder during my darkest days, and each one seemed to describe me almost perfectly. However, in the sake of healthy skepticism, I will refrain from diagnosing myself until I get an official sanction from a T or C. (Perhaps I will raise this during my next appointment with current IC.)
25: I understand how you feel. I want you to know that I didn't intend to mislead any of you about myself or my W; I really did disclose the nature of my "behavior" several threads back. I understand that as a resident DB vet, you visit a lot of different threads and may be apt to miss stuff like that, as our threads are usually jam-packed. I appreciate that you're taking the time at all to address mine, as you are full of great advice.
I think that you are right to keep my side of the M's downfall and her A behavior very much in mind. Do I think that I "taught" her the comparison stuff, and that her explicit disclosures may be directly-related? I do, now that you say it so clearly. I never meant to hurt my W so badly, but I did, and now I must deal with the consequences of it. If our M can never be repaired, I will understand. I will be sure to keep such behavior from reappearing in a future R -- count on it. I'm not going back down that terrible road.
However, I'd like to know if I'm doing the right thing by going dark on her now. I feel that I am -- comparison behavior or not, I don't agree with being "there for her" during her A. Both of us have our respective demons to exorcise, and neither of us will get there without letting each other go.
Also, it must be heavily considered: if I was really such a hurtful monster in our R...how much sense does it make that W is still trying to seek me out and rely on me for her emotional needs, rather than OM? (It doesn't make much sense to me, personally.)
