I have been together with my husband for 10 years, married for 2yrs and 2mo ago I decided to take a break for we were both very unhappy and resenting each other. No kids.

I wish I had given better thought before taking that decision to move in with my parents for a few weeks, thinking that would be a good time for us to care for ourselves and recenter our energies, because the very next day after I left my husband told me he felt a weight was lifted from his shoulders, that he is happier than ever, that he doesn't see us being together again, and he would have moved out before if he had another place to go. That really hurt me.

I realized that I loved him more than I thought and I regret leaving him because if we were living together I would have more tools to try to fix our marriage. I don't believe in divorce, we always talked about it. He tells me he is sorry for putting me through this, for he saw how much pain I went throught the first few weeks.

I had been acting very cold with him, very withdrawn, and I was very critical of him in the past year, but I felt he would never address my emotional needs. I realized with this experience that I was depressed for a very long time and I see now I could have done many things differently so I could get the results I needed, but I hope to be able to make it up to him if we get back together.

Of course, I did the acting crazy and desperate when we were first separated for the first 3 weeks. He changed the door lock, he wouldn't let me get my things from the apartment and he would ignore all contact with me. After I was able to calm down, and stopped begging and crying we were actually able to have a limited conversation to define where we are. I noticed he blocks any emotion, as soon he gets emotional he wants to leave or changes the conversation. I know he is hurting, he has a lot to loose for leaving me, probably will have to declare bankrupcy, but he says he prefers going through that then being with me.
We had many good moments together, but he only remembers the bad and the ugly, he says he was never happy.

I am having a really hard time detaching, stop calling and texting, but I have done much better in the past two days, and today he actually called me but he only calls me when he needs something.

I am hopefull we can work out our differences and reconcile one day. I am learning to be patient and respect his space, even though I found out recently he has been going on dates with other women and he told me he actually went second base with one of his dates. Ouch! But I am surprised, for I was always very jealous, that even knowing this doesn't stop me from wanting to be with him. I love him so much, and I want to be with him.

What has worked for me is to take care of myself and go out with my girlfriends. I have lost 30lbs since we separated, I feel better than ever. I go shopping, do my nails, hair, make up, play with my dog, and write a lot in my journal.

Somedays I still cry, and get very sad, for I miss him so much in the smallest ways, but then I remember to act as if, things will get better, this is just a phase, I need to be patient and count my victories, baby steps....